As parents we must realize that our kids will fail. That is not the real issue. The question is, what will we do as parents to come along side them in their failure? What do our kids need from us when they mess things up? Now is a good time to remind us of the two pillars of parenting...training and trajectory. We must remember all parenting is a matter of training and rarely is anything of value accomplished in one move. Trajectory reminds us that we must always look to "then" in order to have the proper perspective on how we should "train" now. We are always directing our kids somewhere - good parents do so with intentionality.

Just know that kids fail, and it gives mom or dad a great opportunity for training! Here are some steps to help you be intentional in your training:

Face it head on. Show your kids that failure is not something to hide. We must face failure head on; we should not take it lightly. Often a child's failure seems very insignificant to us as parents; however, we must not take this lightly because it may be an important lesson to learn. At the same time, we should not make a mountain out of  a molehill. Failure is a primary way to learn in life. So, face it, acknowledge it and take responsibility for it!

Show compassion. Failure for kids can come in a thousand different colors. Your job is to offer a little compassion to comfort them in their disappointment or fear or embarrassment. Kids need to feel safe failing in view of their parents.

Frame up the issue. You have a better perspective than your kids. Help them see their failure in light of the big picture. Kids can easily misinterpret the reality of the circumstances. Your job is to help them frame up the issue in light of where they are in life.Share from your own failures when you were there age (this requires some vulnerability - especially as your kids get older). You will be amazed how your failure as the parent makes them feel safer dealing with the issue at hand.

Validate their strengths & worth. When kids fail, they need to hear mom and/or dad validate the fact that he or she still has wonderful strengths and immeasurable worth. We will all trip up along the way, but failure is not what defines us. Often these failures become defining moments that can either reinforce themes of defeat or victory in our kids lives.

Get on with life. Kids certainly need us to comfort them through the pain of failure, but we can't stop there. We must normalize failure and help them get on with life. It is never healthy to wallow in the self-pity of our mistakes. The show must go on! Kids need to learn the skill of getting up when they fall. The failure does not and should not be the final answer on their lives.

Parents, your job is never through and it is rarely simple. Your kids will fail and you will hurt for them. Be proactive and help your kids through these struggles and watch them thrive! 

Parenting is not simple. We can use all the help we can get! For more parenting help, check out the Tightrope series at Highpoint Church. And remember to make each of your 7000days® count!

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 Confession time. When I was in middle school, I was into sports (that's not the confession. Read on). I collected team hats, jerseys and considered being "knowledgeable about sports" a manhood rite of passage. So, my parents let me get a subscription to Sports Illustrated. Though my parents were diligent to screen the mail, I "happened" to visit the mailbox the day IT arrived. That's right, the annual swimsuit issue.

It didn't take me long to determine that these photos deserved to be on display on my bedroom wall (no, I was not very smart). I carefully removed each full page photo and taped them on the wall, just behind the door so they would be unseen when the door opened. I was well on my way to being a "real man." Until my mom came along. Who knew she would actually walk all the way into my room and look around?! It was either later that day or the next (I'm not totally sure), my mom opens the door and simply said, "Take the pictures down" and she left. A little surprised and honestly ashamed, I went about the task of removing each picture from the wall. For the record, I've never had another Sports Illustrated subscription since...maybe I'm not the sports fan I thought I was.

Well, here we are again a few decades later. The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is out again. I do appreciate what Sports Illustrated does for sports, but frankly the swimsuit issue is too much for any man remotely concerned about his purity. Parents, take notes here. My mom did what any mom (or dad) should do - she expected more from me than to gawk at scantily clad women. She refused to allow me to become a man that treated women like sex objects. Parents, your job is no different today. You must be heads up. You must not take lightly things like the SI Swimsuit issue.

This is ultimately an issue of respect. We must train our children to have proper respect for themselves, others and, most importantly, Almighty God who made them and calls them to a life of honor. Who knows what the specific issue is going on in your home? I can assure you there is some issue that threatens the respect your kids have for God, others or self. This issue needs to be addressed quickly, clearly and firmly. Just the other day, I reached over and covered the eyes of my eight-year-old son because a Victoria's Secret commercial came on TV. I must physically guard his eyes in order to train him in what it takes to guard his own eyes. I must start now "carving a groove" of purity in my child's heart and mind that holds him accountable to being a respectful and honorable man.

Men, if you happen to take Sports Illustrated, I believe you can "opt out" of the swimsuit issue. I encourage you to. If you feel like you are less of a man if you opt out, you completely misunderstand manhood, in which case I encourage you to watch the Hero series I taught last summer.

Parents, be intentional...you've got 7000days®.

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Yesterday at Highpoint Church I spoke on how we need to be intentional in our parenting. When I interviewed pastor and author Robert Lewis for the 7000Days series a couple of years ago, he had a very good guideline for how to do this..."Go back to the Bible." The Bible is very clear on what a family should be and what the goal of family is. Watch this clip to see. If you missed Sunday's message, I encourage you to watch it here.

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I have been a fan of Kevin Leman and his writings for years. I got the opportunity to interview him in 2010 for the 7000Days series. I love how blunt he is! Watch this clip on why he says praise is destructive in your children. For more parenting help, be sure not to miss the Tightrope series starting THIS SUNDAY at Highpoint Church. 

 

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Men, part of the calling of manhood is learning how to treat the woman you love. Let me let you in on a little secret. Today is Valentine's Day. In honor of the day, I have created a little guide to help you love your wife well this year. It is important to make the most of days like today, even if you think Valentine's Day is stupid (frankly, it's not much different than the Super Bowl). Regardless on how you feel about the commercialize day, it is a chance to show your wife what she means to you, and to elevate her as the prize she is.

Express love verbally. As men we often allow ourselves to be far too quiet in life. We give reasons like, "I'm just not a talker." Yet if it's sports or hunting or our hobby of choice, we can talk all day. Men, take time this year to express your love for your wife verbally. This means actually saying something. Tell her how you feel about her out loud or at least in written form on a card. You will likely need to think this through before you open your mouth. Bring notes if you need to, but express it verbally! By the way, the most important words in a marriage are not "I love you;" they are "thank you."

Express love physically. Ok guys, physically does not ONLY mean sex. If it did, there would be no issue here. Expressing love physically also means holding her, sitting next to her and simply being present. It is important on special days like today (her birthday, Mother's day, etc) to protect your schedule to spend time to physically be with your wife. It is also important to express love sexually but not as the only physical expression. You wife may enjoy holding hands or taking a walk together or a drive around town to talk (see #1). Or sit next to her on the couch and run your fingers through her hair (easy on the tangles!)

Express love sacrificially. Men, I can say with reasonable confidence that your wife sacrifices often for your good and the good of your home. Use moments like these to love her through sacrifice. Come home early and relieve her of "kid duty." Dust off the "honey-do" list and complete some overdue projects you've been avoiding. Let her know you will make dinner and maybe do some laundry...if she will let you. Show her how much you appreciate her by serving her sacrificially.

Express love generously. Everyone woman loves a gift. Gifts communicate value and care. They can be a token of love and a statement that says, "I've been paying attention to your WANTS." You do not have to spend a fortune, it is the thought that counts...unless you gave it very little thought, then it doesn't count. We need to learn to be generous in the giving of gifts, time and attention. Sometimes the latter two are valued more than the first.

Express love vicariously. To the dads...if you have a son, or in my case four sons, you have a big responsibility to train those boys how to love a woman well. While your boys are in the house, you should love your wife vicariously through your sons by training them to love their mother well. This will help develop the skills necessary for when they decide to love a special young lady one day. Boys learn early to forget about mom. Your job is to make sure they don't. Doing this will be an act of love to your wife and honestly to your future daughter-in-law.

Express love regularly. One of the dangers of Valentine's Day is the tendency we men have to love well today and forget the other 364 days of the year. If you have not loved well this year, you cannot make it up on one romantic evening of dinner, wine and roses. Love, especially in marriage, is an every day calling. We must choose it whether we feel like it or not. We must honor our wives by loving her so well that Valentine's Day is the icing on the cake. If you aren't there yet, start today. Confess to her that you have not loved her well and that things will begin to change starting today.

I hope this helps. I hope you have a great Valentine's Day today or whatever day you choose to celebrate it. If you need further inspiration, please check out the series I taught in October of 2011 entitled, "A Ridiculous Idea Called Marriage."

Happy romancing!

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Want to know the secret to being an "adequate" parent? Watch this clip from when I interviewed pastor and author, Robert Lewis, for the 7000Days series. Also, don't miss my new parenting series, Tightrope: The 7000 Day Balancing Act of Intentional Parenting, at Highpoint Church starting THIS SUNDAY!

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 What does God want? From the looks of things in our world, this question causes some pretty challenging issues. Does God want children to die? Does God want it to rain or for the sun to shine? Does God want your team to win? Does God want poverty? Does God want you to get sick or get well? Does God want cancer, abortion, sex trafficking, bankruptcy, divorce, abuse or prostitution? Then the more difficult question, if God doesn't want it, why does it happen? Isn't God big enough and strong enough to get what He wants? If He is, then the simple fact that bad things happen brings His character into question...or does it?

I've been in ministry a pretty long time, 17 years now. These are the hard questions. These are the questions people ask at hospitals, courtrooms, rehab centers and funerals. These questions are asked through tears and unexplainable grief.

There are no great answers, but recently I have been forced to understand this issue personally as a dad. At the first of this year, my son Cooper had some significant issues surrounding a heart surgery. I've blogged a good bit about our journey. In the midst of this, my wife and I were the ones having to make difficult decisions regarding what we "wanted" for our son. Our "wants" were driven by information that our son does not have the capacity to understand. He had a heart condition requiring surgery which was then followed by unexpected complications, which meant we had to act.

We did not "want" Cooper to have surgery, yet we "wanted" Cooper to be healthy. We lived in that place where our "wants" seemed to be in conflict. The reality is, we were experiencing both "wants" at once. Rationally we "wanted" Cooper to have the surgery because it meant a life of greater long term health. Emotionally we did NOT "want" Cooper to have surgery because we knew he didn't understand and this would inevitably cause him pain (little did we know just how much pain he would have to endure with the complication).

We do not want any of our kids to experience that kind of pain, yet we did. And that's the issue. Sometimes we get discouraged, frustrated or even angry at God for apparently allowing or even causing something that seems contrary to His nature. This is when we must recognize we are like my four-year-old boy who simply cannot understand everything involved. We must trust that God is good even when we suffer. I assure you, the suffering we made Cooper endure was not pleasant for us as parents, yet we knew this course of action was best. We had moments when he looked at us with that face that said, "Why are you letting them do this to me!?" And with broken hearts we pressed forward. We all have those moments with God. Just know that His heart breaks as He presses forward to accomplish what is best for you. He does not want it, and yet He does.

As we near what seems to be the end of this medical drama, we are grateful to see our son doing much better and in our hearts we know the original problem is solved, and he is better off now. However, we will not forget this. We suffered alongside Cooper. We went through an emotional meat grinder as parents. We did what was best, and we suffered through it. No matter what you struggle with, your Heavenly Father is working for your good and suffering along with you. It's just hard to explain.

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My name is Cooper, and I cannot read, write or type; nevertheless I decided to write a blog :) Today is my birthday. I'm five. So, I though I'd pass along five life lessons I've learned in my five short years. I hope you enjoy!

 

1. Life ain't fair, be happy. You better learn this one early. Very little in life works out perfectly in your favor. In fact, just the other day, I had a an open heart surgery because I was born with a hole in my heart...unfair. The surgery went great...until I got an infection that almost killed me...unfair. For a few days there I had my poor parents pretty worried...also unfair. Why me? Who knows?! The bottom line is, we only discourage ourselves more when we think life has to be perfect for us to be happy. I choose to be happy anyway. I'm not always cheerful...my dad says I get, "grumpy." Life is just too short to keep score on how fair you think you are being treated. Life ain't fair, get over it. 

2. Always fight. I'm a fighter. I have to be. I was born with Down syndrome, so nothing comes easy for me. The first few weeks of my life wore me out! No one should have to have surgery the day after they are born, it ain't right!  It took me forever to learn to walk, but I did. Things my friends do that looked so easy, can be very hard for me...like using a straw or putting on a coat. But I'm a fighter. I'm gonna catch up. Even my recent health issues have probably set me back in the short run, but I will fight, and I will overcome. Everyone needs to fight. Some people let their struggles get the best of them, and they give up. I say, "never give up!" I learned that from my mom and dad. They never give up on me. And trust me, I'm a handful!

3. No Excuses. I have Down syndrome, blah, blah, blah. Everyone has their excuse keeping them from success; keeping them from being all God wants them to be. I know you've got issues. Don't we all?! My parents refuse to let my "special needs" be an excuse for me not behaving right, learning what I need to learn and having the same bright future as everyone else. Excuses only create more space between where you are and where you want to be. What will it take for you to call out your excuses and kick them out of your life? What things or people in your life are waiting on you to stop making excuses? Maybe you need some people like my parents who won't let you make excuses!

4. Lovestrong. If some guy on a bicycle can have a bracelet with the word "Livestrong," I can have one that says, "Lovestrong!" Some people think I'm genetically created to love stronger than others. The truth is, love is a gift from God, and it's the only thing that works when all else fails. Love, according to the Bible, is the greatest thing we can give or receive. My life, if anything, is a story of love. I love people (especially my brothers), and people, lots of people, love me. I overheard my dad say that my mom has prayed my whole life that God would cause lots of people to love me and make my life a little easier. I guess they do, because sometimes my parents cry; they are so thankful of all the people who love me. One thing is for sure, real love is stronger than any offense or difference. You will never go wrong loving people, especially those other people forget about.

5. Trust God, question nurses. A lot of people give up on God when things don't go their way. It's easy to wonder why God allows certain things happen, but somehow in His wisdom He does. In my humble opinion, what choice do we have? Sure, you can let the circumstances destroy your faith, but then what do you have? I'll tell you, you will have a life dependent on your own abilities to manage the chaos. Faith in God just makes more sense. God understands the chaos in our world, and He ultimately solved every problem we face in life by offering us eternal life through Jesus. I think our biggest problem is trying to figure out how everything works in our lifetime. God never promised that. He does work out all things for good, but not always on our timeline. But make no mistake, ALL things work together for good for those who are called by God. Nurses, on the other hand, scare the Pull-Ups off of me! Every time they walk in the room, they wanna touch me, listen to my heart, hook me up to monitors and poke me with sharp objects. They always act nice too. Don't believe them, it's a facade. Don't trust the nurses.

I hope this brightens your day and helps you with whatever you are facing right now in your life. We all have a long way to go. Good thing God is with us.

Happy Birthday to me!


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In my experience, every challenge or crisis has two distinct phases or components, the active and the passive.

The "active phase" is like being on the athletic field. Your mind is engaged more than your emotions. You are in a mode of constant assessment, creativity and the application of skill and insight. This phase offers a sense of control, clear thinking and often an unusual ability to be at your best. It's as if your mind, your spirit, your body and your emotions are all in high gear, providing you with all the resources needed to be at your best in those moments.

The "passive phase" is when you move to a state of reflection. This does not necessarily mean a drop in intensity. It is; however, a shift of focus. This is when your emotions usually hit and therefore need to be felt and expressed. We need to digest and absorb all that has happened in the previous "active phase." This is why you often see people emotionally crash the moment after a crisis has reached a point of stability. Our mind, spirit, body and emotions can only take so much and need a release. We can be extremely controlled and clear-headed in the moments of trauma as a survival mechanism, but when the dust settles, we can slip into the fog of emotions and feelings of confusion or even depression.

We see this two-phase shift with the prophet Elijah in 1 Kings 18. The prophet faces a group of hostile prophets of the pagan god, Baal. Elijah issued a contest of sorts between Elijah's God, the God of Israel, and the pagan god, Baal. You really need to read the story, but the result was a landslide victory for the God of Israel, making Elijah the victor and he ordered that the pagan prophets be killed. It was a no-contest victory. However, if you turn the page to 1 Kings 19 the same guy, Elijah, who displayed great courage and confidence against the prophets of Baal, crumbles at the threat of the pagan queen, Jezebel. What happened to his strength? Elijah needed some recovery time after the "active phase" of his run-in with the prophets of Baal. In one moment he was active, right alongside God to claim victory over the enemies of God. In the next moment, he was weak, emotional and discouraged. This is the Bible showing us the human condition. We do not have unlimited capacity. We cannot "handle" it all. Sometimes we are alongside God as mighty warriors, and other times we are alongside God as needy and confused children. We all face the same dynamics of this shift. Don't be surprised to see people you perceive as strong, spiritually mature and "together" have Elijah moments of confusion and need. Praise God for His church that we might love one another through these shifts.

Practically speaking, I've learned what I need from those around me as I move in and out of these phases of crisis or challenge. During "active phase" I don't want sympathy, comfort or caring gestures. I want to be an active part of the solution. When I'm in the active phase I ONLY want people around me who are creative, energetic, skillful and wise to bring effective solutions to the table. Can you imagine if Elijah's buddy interrupted the events of 1 Kings 18 to offer Elijah a heartfelt hug? No, Elijah had entered the challenge. His mind and heart were attuned to God and actively engaged in achieving success over the prophets of Baal.

When our son, Cooper, was in the hospital we were in the midst of dealing with some unexpected complications to his surgery. Somehow the hospital chaplain appeared in the room and decided to offer some consoling words while we were in the "active phase." Bad timing. In an effort not to be rude we nodded and thanked her, but in our minds all we could think of was "LEAVE!"  No, I didn't want a hug. No, I didn't need to talk. No, I didn't want to step out for some fresh air. I needed to be in that room, at my best for my son. I had entered the challenge! A few hours later I melted down. I cried. I expressed my fears and received the comfort of family and friends. I moved from one phase to the other.

In the passive phase, I want and appreciate comfort and sympathy. I need the moments of reflection and prayer. I need to express my sense of need and confusion and fear. We should all be aware that we experience both phases. No one is strong enough or invincible to the emotional swings of the passive phase. We all need God and His people to hold us up when we feel we can't go on. Often, caring people miss the mark because they think people in crisis need only one thing...sympathy. So, with all due respect to the caregivers...don't interrupt the "active phase" of a crisis or challenge. Likewise, in the "passive phase," with all due respect to my ego, sometimes I need a hug.

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From Guest Blogger, Amanda Savage...My lovely wife!

I wish I could say that prayer has always been a consistent and active discipline in my life. Unfortunately, the discipline of prayer has probably been one of the most difficult things in my walk with the Lord. The pendulum has swung from my feeling adequate to inadequate, heard to unheard, purposeful to selfish, checking a to-do list to feeling energized and apathy to desire. As a mom of young children, it is hard to find much time to sit and have a long, meaningful, quiet and uninterrupted prayer time or time to journal my prayers (a practice I highly recommend). As a result, I often find myself doing fly-by prayers as I go through my day. I like this kind of continual prayer, but I miss times of quiet focused prayer.

This week I again found it difficult to pray but for an entirely different reason. I simply could not find the words. My prayers this week have been raw and from the core, "God, please heal my baby, you have to heal my baby." I'm certain I have repeated these words thousands upon thousands of times as I have sat with Cooper and laid over his body begging for his life. Occasionally, I've recalled Romans 8:26, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." I have begged the Holy Spirit to intercede for me because I was unable.

It has been an extremely humbling experience to be in the place where my child is fighting for his life, and I am completely unable to find the words to beg and plead for the Lord to heal him and restore him to health. But our God is incredibly faithful, and He has surrounded my family with righteous men and women who have gone before us and pleaded for Cooper's life and health. My friends' prayers surrounding Cooper include,    

"I pray that you would give doctors, nurses and staff all the knowledge and wisdom and guidance they need to make the best decisions for his care. Give Andy and Amanda supernatural rest . . . Lord, I beg you to wipe all infection in Cooper's body and heal him completely from the inside out."      

Another friend prayed these words,    

"Father, he is completely dependent upon you.  He has been since the day he was conceived. It is true for each of us, but tonight we stand here completely aware that You sustain life. . . Thank you that you are not just our Creator, but You call Yourself our Physician and our Healer. I proclaim Your names over Cooper . . . Father, you move faster than any infection ever thought about moving."  

James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." I wish I could post all the prayers that have been emailed and texted to me over the past week. I wish I could share how my friends had the perfect words when I had none. I wish I could tell you of the couple who fasted the day of Cooper's surgery. These men and women stood in the gap for me, they held up our weary arms and the prayers of these righteous ones have been powerful and effective! Cooper's body is healing! I will never have the words to thank everyone who has prayed so diligently for Cooper and it is likely I will never be able to return the favor to most of these friends. My hope is that I have learned how powerful intercessory prayer is and that I will "hit my knees" for others who are facing some of their darkest and scariest hours. I pray I have the privilege of standing in the gap for others and holding up their weary arms when they are unable to do it for themselves.

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1. "You are only as happy as you most unhappy child."  I'm not sure where this quote originated, but it really is true. We could debate the use of the word "happy," but the point is clear. As a parent your well-being in life is directly related to the well-being of your children. This week if you ask me the simple question, "How are you?" the simple answer is, "I'm doing about as well as Cooper is doing."

2. "Daddy's here." I've said this phrase no less than a thousand times this week, not to mention how many times Amanda has said, "Mommy's here." As Cooper has endured all the pokes, sticks and pricks of hospital life, the only real comfort we could offer was the assurance that we were at his side. This brings perspective to God's recurring promise in the Scriptures to be with us. As parents, our best guide in the parenting process is to do for our kids what God does for us. Give your kids your presence. If that means re-working your schedule to get a little more time at home - do it. Parent in such a way that when your kids are 25 they will say, "Mom and/or Dad was there!"

3. Humility. I'm detecting a theme here. God is relentless in His agenda to make me a humble man. I have received tons of emails, tweets and posts of people all over the country (and a few from various countries around the world) saying they are praying for Cooper. A Sunday School teacher of Cooper posted that he "hit his knees" with the news of Cooper's complications. Pastors of churches, not just our church, carving out time to pray for my son by name with their congregations. People have shared how their lives have been impacted by Cooper's story - and he's only 5 (well almost 5, January 24th is his birthday). I am humbled beyond description. I have a renewed confidence in God's Church! For all those out there that love to preach, tweet, post and blog about the "problems with the church today..." I say with boldness and humility - stop talking bad about the Bride of Christ! You don't wanna mess with her Husband!

4. Technology. Praise God for those who have pioneered procedures, equipment and devices that have served to keep Cooper alive. Those things are not pagan inventions but snapshots into the brilliance placed in all people as image-bearers of their Creator...another reminder to honor all people even if they don't believe exactly what you believe.

5. I still love being a dad. As emotionally trying as all this is, I wouldn't trade being a dad for anything! I believe parenting is an incredible thrill ride in life. Parenting guarantees that you will face heartbreak, fear, anger, frustration, disappointment, loss and more. BUT parenting also allows you to be the most significant influence in your child's life for most of their lives. It breaks my heart when I see parents who don't like being parents. Sure, parenting will get the best of you from time to time, but resolve in your mind to give your all and love being a parent!

Cooper Update: Today they removed the remaining chest tube and released Cooper to eat. He managed to drink a lot of Pedialyte, some apple juice and some chocolate milk. He ate a donut and some chips. He was agitated a good bit of the day. I think he's just ready to get rid of all the wires and tubes. He fought sleeping since 4am - he finally fell asleep around 6:30pm tonight.

How you can pray...

1. Sleeping. Pray Cooper gets good sleep. We are really trying to keep him off lots of meds, so the more he can sleep naturally the better.
2. Breathing. Pray Coop breathes on his own without the assistance of oxygen. This will allow him to lose the oxygen deal in his nose....he hates it.
3. Eating. Pray Coop starts to eat lots of food and regain his strength.
4. Influence. God really is using Cooper's life to impact many people for Christ. Pray that it continue. In the last week or so, the Cooper's Story video on YouTube has had over 3000 views! The video is anointed, and God uses it in people's lives. If you haven't seen it or you want to share it click here.

We cannot thank you enough for praying. It means more than you will ever know.

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The ecclesiology (the theology of church) in most of the western world can be summed up in this phrase, "go to church." The ecclesiology of the Bible can be summed up in this phrase "be the Church." The difference is enormous. Going to church is a very low commitment. In our society churches work very hard to make "going to church" easy and exciting, which I think is great. There are countless people out there than need church to be an easy and welcoming step back to God. The danger is, however, that we confuse the vision of the Church (universal) as God would see it and the natural tendency we have to define the Church in our own terms.

The Church (universal) at its core identifies people unified by their saving faith in Jesus Christ and their obedience to the truth of scripture. Every local church (lowercase "c") should be a smaller unit of a larger whole understood as the Church (capital "C") sometimes called the "universal Church." The gathering together part is a discipline of God's Church and should be present in every local church. Unfortunately, the gathering itself often creates confusion. We inevitably start to think that showing up on Sunday defines what "Church" is all about. It truly is a goofy mistake. It's like thinking the only time you are a family is when you are at home gathered around the dinner table. I'm part of my family everywhere I go! I am linked biologically...like it or not. This is the truth about the Christian Church, the difference here is we are linked spiritually...like it or not. The members of God's Church are a spiritual family which comes with a commitment stretching far beyond a weekly gathering.

This week I have experienced what I believe God really meant when He built His Church. My son's unexpected hospital stay created a wave of activity that has us blown away. Instead of going to church, the Church came to us. Our family has effectively been "at church" all week. People who genuinely love us have come out of the woodwork to bring us food, deliver coffee, write us notes of encouragement, deliver coffee, offer to keep our other children, run errands, deliver coffee, pool money to buy us stuff, share our news with friends, deliver coffee and pray fervently as if my son was their own. We experienced the Church as the Bible defines it!

It would be impossible for us to remember every person who has ministered to us this week and in the days to come. We say as Paul said to the church in Philippi, "I thank my God every time I remember you" (Philippians 1:3). We are so grateful for you. It's one thing to be cared for personally, it's another when someone cares for my children. You have loved and prayed for my son. I often think of Cooper as one of the "least of these" Jesus talks about in Matthew 25. We have prayed since Cooper was born that God would surround Cooper with people who show him mercy and grace. Literally, thousands of people have offered love and prayers for Cooper. I believe Jesus would say you are blessed because what you have done for Cooper, you have done for Him. You have been the Church for the glory of Christ!

We have never been more honored and humbled to be part of God's great Church!  We are privileged to be part of Highpoint Church in Memphis, TN and love gathering to worshipping under the leadership of Josh Maze and either teaching the sermon myself or sitting under the teaching of Chris Conlee. We love seeing friends and watching God work in people's lives. Tomorrow, we will be sitting in the CVICU at LeBonheur Children's Hospital "missing church" yet not missing Church at all.

Cooper Update: God continues to answer prayer! Cooper had a much needed good day. There were three big objectives today - remove his chest tubes, change out his wound dressing and extubate the breathing tube. All three were accomplished by lunchtime. One chest tube was left but that's ok. Cooper was very groggy most of the day but did well coming off the breathing tube. He took a few sips of pedialyte. I know he is still terribly uncomfortable. He squirmed a little but we were able to keep him fairly calm. He didn't rip anything out of his body...yet.

How you can pray...
1. Pray that we have a restful night tonight. 
2. Pray for Cooper to have a supernatural sense of calm and patience with this process. 
3. Pray that each day Cooper makes great strides in healing up - particularly his breastbone and the infection - so we can go home! 4. Pray for Cooper's brothers - it's been a week now away from us and not at home.

Feel free to share your prayers, encouragements and comments to this post.

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My favorite Bible verse is Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified or discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go!" I adopted this verse as a my "life verse" as a teenager long before I would ever know how much I would lean on its truth. This week as we ride this roller-coaster of seeing Cooper back to health, I lean on this truth as much as ever.

This verse reveals two distinct concepts that are often thought to be incompatible. The first is God's call for Joshua, or you and me as 21st century readers, to act with strength and courage. This is obviously easier said than done. Nevertheless, it is God's expectation of His followers. Joshua, specifically, faced the great unknown of entering the Promised Land...a land of unknown challenges, difficulties and disappointments, a land of promise for God's people, but not yet a land of reality. This was the Promised Land, not yet the Holy Land. Joshua had to act in strength and courage based on a promise - based on faith.

This is where we live. We must act with strength and courage based on God's promises...God's promise to be good, caring and loving. We still face unknown. Ultimately faith is acting on the known in the face of the unknown. I know God is sovereign and in control. I know he loves Cooper and will do what's best. But like Joshua, I'm just not sure how everything will work out. I'm facing the unknown.

The second concept in this text is God's promise of His presence. God's balance to acting in faith is matching faith with His presence. Strangely, God does not always provide answers. Answers are often what we want. The questions of "why me?" or "why now?" or "why not?" fill our minds and make us hungry for answers. God, instead, gives us Himself. I get this as a dad. There are things I just cannot explain to my kids. Even now, my four-year-old son, Cooper, has endured two surgeries and countless medications and treatments, none of which he understands. I cannot explain this to him, but I'm here. He needs my presence more than my answers. Please hear this...we need God's presence MORE than His answers. He is our Heavenly Father, and there are simply things we will never understand. Just as He promised Joshua, He promises us..."the Lord your God will be with you."

God's presence provides the backdrop for our strength and courage, bringing together human activity and divine providence.

Cooper Update:
Just after last night's post, we have a very difficult night. We struggled to keep Cooper calm and the little champion decided to take out his breathing tube. We finally got him settled down and he has done much better today. Coop had made a name for himself here in the CVICU. You better bring your A-game if you're working with Coop! Cooper needed two additional check tubes to drain out some extra fluid, which have done their job. Our current plan is to remove all four chest tubes tomorrow, change out his wound dressing and finally get the breathing tube out for good. Tomorrow is a big day. Thankfully, Amanda and I got a little sleep today but were up all night last night, and we're feeling pretty wasted. We are so grateful for all those providing food, encouragement and prayer.

Prayer needs:

1. Cooper needs a calm and restful night, as do Amanda and I.
2. Pray for God's grace in tomorrow's procedures. We are praying these steps alleviate Cooper's pain and allow him to continue healing well.
3. Pray for God to comfort Cooper in a supernatural way. We ask the Holy Spirit to minister to Cooper in ways none of us can.
4. Pray for Cooper to be calm when we bring him out of sedation. It is critical that he not thrash about too much and damage the surgical site.
5. Pray that God is glorified in Cooper's life.

Feel free to share your prayers, encouragements and comments to this post.

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God is answering prayers. Cooper is stable. His numbers are good, and we are enjoying a few minutes of peace in the CVICU (Cardio Vascular Intensive Care Unit).

Blood.
Our concern when we got the word of infection was the presence of infection causing bacteria in Cooper's blood. This is measured by taking blood cultures each day and watching for bacteria to grow proving its presence. So far the blood cultures taken since starting antibiotics have come back negative for infection. This is a huge praise. A blood infection opens the door to a ton of unpleasant possibilities, which I prefer not to think about. As for today, Cooper's blood is clean. I'm tempted to highlight the spiritual parallels here, suffice it to say, clean blood is vital for human life and the remission of sin (Hebrews 9:22). Please continue praying for the infection in Cooper to be completely clear through this antibiotic treatment he is on.

Sweat.
"Don't sweat the small stuff." Good advice until your kid is in the hospital fighting for his life. We have faced a lot of disappointment and frustration the last few days. Cooper is only here because something went wrong. This type of complication is not the norm. His original surgery was routine and Cooper should be playing with his brothers at home tonight. We are doing our best to listen, learn and share our thoughts to make sure Cooper is treated with the best care. The stuff we are "sweating" and the stuff you can pray for is... 

1. Cooper is still on a breathing tube. Each day he is on the tube, he is at risk for developing another infection or pneumonia. We hope to extubate tomorrow. 
2. Cooper needs to get a PICC line or a Central Line in order to receive proper nutrition so he can heal faster. We aim to get that first thing tomorrow. 
3. Cooper is extremely active. As he comes in and out of sedation and ultimately when he comes off the tube and wakes up he needs to remain CALM. This is nearly impossible to explain to him. His chest simply cannot take much abuse right now so please pray that he is calm and his chest remain safe and sound.

Tears.
Yes, I lost it today. For a few hours we were getting a lot of technical talk, but no one was telling us the score. The dad in me needed to know the score. In a moment of fear and frustration, I cornered the nurse practitioner, whom I have grown to trust in all this, and he shot me straight. "We will win." That's what I needed to hear. That's when I lost it. I understood the treatment; I needed to know the if we were winning or losing part. By the way, for you medical professionals out there - shoot your patients straight, tell them the score! Nothing can prepare you for how you feel with your child is this sick. I suppose it's the curse of parenting (and grandparenting). The more you love and give to your children, the more you hurt for them. So, we cry, we pray, we lean on one another, and we fight. We challenge doctors. We pay attention and we fight for the well-being of our child...because that is what parents do.

Edible Arrangements®.
I never understood why anyone would send a perishable fruit flower arrangement...until today. Holy cantaloupe! First of all, the thing looks great. Lots of colors and grabs your attention when the deliver guy walks in. Secondly, the thing is made of good fruit, not the picked over stuff you find on Saturday night in the produce section of the Super Wal-Mart. Strawberries, cantaloupe, honeydew, grapes, pineapple and semi-sweet, chocolate covered strawberries...BOOM.  Lastly, its useful. The fruit is fresh and tasty and there is plenty to share with guests or hospital staff. Flowers are great and all, but flowers don't taste good. We will send an official thank you to the kind people who sent it, but wow, thank you!!

Thanks to all of you praying for Cooper. Please continue to pray. We need God's continued presence and hand at work.

Feel free to share your prayers, encouragements and comments to this post.

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I've hesitated to blog too much about Cooper but I feel the need to respond to the outpouring of care and support we have received. We are blown away by all the prayers, Facebook comments and shares, Tweets, texts, visits, food, gifts and calls. We are incredibly humbled & grateful. We are reminded of how blessed we are because of our biological families, our Highpoint Church family and the many friends from around town and out of town.

We realize everyone wants to know what they can do for us. The simple and best answer is to pray. Cooper's greatest need is for God's hand of grace and healing. We believe that God hears the prayers of His people. We believe God uses the creative minds and brilliance of medical technology to save and heal. We also know God can act above all human wisdom and simply heal in a miraculous way. So, when we ask for prayer we truly believe it is the BEST thing anyone can do for us and for Cooper.

 

Specifics:
1. Pray that Cooper maintain a normal body temperature (98.6)
2. Pray that the infection in his body and bloodstream is completely cleared.
3. Pray that Cooper can remain calm and not do any damage to his breastbone, which is extremely fragile from the infection and surgery.
4. Pray for Amanda, Drew, Wesley, Ford and myself as we do our best to care for Cooper and manage everything else.

The Backstory...
Exactly two weeks ago we brought Cooper to LeBonheur Children's Hospital in Memphis to have a routine heart surgery. Cooper was born with a VSD (Ventricle Septal Defect) AKA a hole in his heart. We have been monitoring his heart his whole life. Just before Christmas 2011 we discovered this hole was starting to cause other problems and we needed  to go ahead and have the surgery to fix it.

The surgery was textbook and successful. We had a few rough moments after surgery which was to be expected. Cooper quickly bounced back and started acting like himself again, just like the doctors said he would. However, Saturday afternoon, January 7th Cooper began to act very lethargic and cranky. We immediately began to worry that he had somehow damaged the site of the surgery. Our next step was a trip to the ER. After a chest X-ray and looking him over it seemed it was a "false alarm." By the time I got home with him he was trembling and feverish and miserable again. His fever only grew into the night and we knew something still wasn't right. We hoped he would get over it by morning. His fever subsided and we thought we were in the clear.

Sunday afternoon he was still acting lethargic so we took him to the Pediatrician's office. He told us we needed to get back to the ER. At the ER we began to piece together that there was more going on than simple post-surgery pain or fatigue. Over the next few days we discovered that Cooper had developed an infection. Thankfully this infection had not appeared to be in his heart but did create a serious issue to resolve. We started some high-power anti-biotics and after a CT scan found that he had a nasty "deep wound infection" growing in his chest. Another surgery was scheduled.

This morning we delivered Cooper to surgery expecting them to open the chest and drain the infection area. When they they opened him up they found infection all over his chest area. This required them to reopen his breastbone in order to clean out the infection. This was much more invasive than we expected. This also means that Cooper's recovery is much more intensive. One of our greatest concerns at this point is Cooper's breastbone healing correctly. The infection caused his breastbone to become soft. The analogy the surgeon used was that his breastbone was the consistency of cheese. As we anticipate Cooper waking up from sedation we fear he will thrash about and cause damage to this very fragile area.

Cooper has about 10-14 days of recovery here in the hospital. When we get home he will continue to receive intravenous antibiotics for a few weeks. In total Cooper has about 8 weeks of recovery to be fully restored to his previous activity level. Needless to say, we are not out of the woods yet. I am certain God is in control and somehow this all fits in His grand plan - i'm just not too happy about it. Right now all i want is for my son to be healthy, safe and back home. But for now we trust in God, we entrust Cooper to God and we will take it one day at a time.

Feel free to share your prayers, encouragements and comments to this post.
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Parents who are married often deal with the struggle of keeping a vibrant marriage and personal life alongside the ever-continuous demands of raising kids. With the addition of children, it seems that minutes evaporate, hardly leaving time to sleep, much less a romantic life, devotional time with God or much needed disciplines like exercise. Wise couples will recognize this early and come up with ways to fight to keep all the essential elements of a healthy life working. Here's the good news... You do not have to live on the edge of burnout if you are willing to make a few changes and take some steps to serve your spouse. That may sound counter-intuitive; but remember, the answer for ALL healthy things in marriage comes through giving, NOT taking!

Allow me to introduce "The Parenting Pick and Roll."The pick and roll we find in the great sport of basketball is defined by Wikipedia this way, "The play begins with a defender guarding a ballhandler. The ballhandler moves toward a teammate, who sets a 'screen' (or 'pick') by standing in the way of the defender, who is separated from the still-moving ballhandler. The defender is forced to choose between guarding the ballhandler or the screener. If the defender tries to guard the ballhandler, then the screener can move toward the basket, sometimes by a foot pivot ('roll'), and is now open for a pass. If the defender chooses instead to guard the screening teammate, then the ballhandler has an open shot. Alternatively, the ballhandler may pass the ball to an open teammate. A well-executed pick and roll is the result of teamwork."

This is exactly what married couples need in their parenting! The goal is for you and your spouse to win together, NOT separately or alone. This means you must look at how your lives operate. Do a little inventory of your life. What priorities are you failing to protect? In my experience, there are a few priorities that always seem to get edged out by the defense...I mean the kids. :)

Devotional time with God. At our church (Highpoint Church), we call this a Priority Time because we want people to see this as the "priority that sets all other priorities." Especially if you have small children, uninterrupted time to read your Bible and pray seems impossible.

Exercise. Everyone needs some amount of exercise in their lives to maintain good health and mental well being. Where does it fit? Mornings? Afternoons? Evenings? I'm sure, like most of us, you can think of 10 reasons for each of those time slots that make exercise seem impossible to fit in. Of course, if you don't exercise, your life will be affected in many ways.

Romance. Ok married people, you gotta be going on dates, kissing, touching and making love regularly...that's right, regularly. Not regular like paying you monthly utility bill, I mean regular like having family dinner at the table or doing laundry. Countless couples slowly forfeit their romantic lives as as their family grows. This is dangerous!

Tasks. You and your spouse simply want and need a little time to get a few seemingly insignificant tasks done. When we avoid the insignificant tasks, they grow into bigger and bigger tasks that eventually demand far too much attention. How many times have you procrastinated on your laundry or put off cutting the grass? Small tasks seem to grow when left alone.

Fun. Sure, you and your spouse have fun together - that falls in the romance category. This category is all about the personal fun you desire with friends or hobbies. It is a mental and emotional rejuvenator to have a little fun. That may be reading a book, going hunting with the guys or shopping with the girls.

It can be tough to pull all these things off, and that's why I suggest the "parenting pick and roll." Here's how it works...

Sit down together and talk about the five areas I've identified above. Make a plan. It will not be perfect at first, but make a plan anyway; you can tweak as you go. For each strategic time-slot, come up with a "parenting pick and roll" to make it work. For instance, in our home, I leave the house early in order to get my exercise in. My wife "sets the pick" by single handedly handling the kids for the morning routine. Likewise, a few times a month my wife has dinner with some friends and plays in a regular Bunko group with a bunch of ladies from church (according to them it is NOT gambling!). I stay home and "set the pick" with the kids and take care of the nighttime routine. My wife LOVES Bunko night. She needs Bunko night. I love seeing how a simple evening out refreshes her. Now, our marriage is not perfect by any stretch! We are still trying to define and establish some of the other categories, but we've started. You can too!

Do not be afraid to "set the pick" on your kids. You are not being a bad parent, in fact, it's quite the opposite! You are teaching them the importance of certain priorities. Your kids are selfish. They WILL take every waking moment of your lives, not to mention your money, for their purposes. It's your responsibility to help them see that your home does not revolve around them. The parenting pick and roll can become a marriage life saver! One thing your kids need is for Mom and Dad to have a GREAT marriage. You must embrace teamwork and help each other achieve a more healthy and vibrant life. It takes a commitment from both of you to "set the pick." Interestingly, those who "set picks" (i.e. take responsibilities to free up their spouse), discover a unique satisfaction when they "roll" off the pick knowing they served their mate. This adds invaluable strength to your marriage. GO, TEAM, GO!

Please leave your comments and ways you use the "parenting pick and roll" in your marriage.
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Rock climbing is amazing. The pros somehow scale huge rock faces with little more than a half-inch finger hold. The entire process leaves the expert climber one false move from total failure. Most of us would not attempt to scale a rock face without a safety net like an expert would, but we do attempt to scale our lives with a similar margin of error.

Few of us know how frighteningly close we are to that fine line between strength and weakness. I think it's human nature to want to be strong or at least appear strong. Strength is held at a high value in our culture in nearly every arena from physical prowess to emotional stability. Feeling strong makes us walk taller and proceed with confidence. However, there is a subtle deception in our strength. We are not nearly as strong as we think we are.

Last week it was my job to be strong. My son was having a major surgery, and I'm the dad. However, the moment we got word that the surgery was over and he was ok, I broke down. I lost the finger hold of my strength. My wife turned to me and said sarcastically, "Now, you're crying?!"  I was standing on that fine line. My strength was not nearly as strong as I thought. I desperately wanted to know everything was ok with my son.

There is something powerful about understanding our weakness. The constant lie of our world is that we have to be strong. Strength is not a bad thing, it's actually a very biblical thing when it comes from a true source of strength. To think that you or I can just muster up strength from deep within our imperfect selves is foolish. The Bible presents a paradoxical reality; true strength comes when we recognize weakness and depend upon God. So, in order to be strong we must - it is essential - identify with our weakness.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9 Paul writes, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

We are all one crisis away from something that will send us to our knees and God offers us His strength.

2 Chronicles 16:9 says, "For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him."

God is willing, even eager, to find those who are committed to Him, those willing to express need and dependence...weakness. Even today as I prayed to start the day, I was reminded of how foolish it is to pretend to have strength that I just don't have. I need God's strength. His strength is exactly what I need. This strength is a byproduct of admitting (boasting in) weakness and a heart fully committed to Him. Don't worry, God is looking for people like that. He's ready to give true strength to carry you through.

Just like rock climbers who spend hours upon hours practicing their holds and ascents with the safety of harnesses, we too can practice boasting in our weaknesses and living lives fully committed to God. When the day comes and our strength is gone, we will know the One who gives us true strength to carry us through.

What memories are you making this year? Memories are made from the behaviors, attitudes and words you share during special times like the Holiday season. You will make memories whether you like it or not. The power of tradition. It's not a personality thing. It's not a religious thing. It's a principle of life thing. Every family gathers stories over the years of everything from the naughty to the nice. These become the memories that go with your children into adult life; they influence the traditions your kids will create in their families. My goal is to inspire you as a parent to be INTENTIONAL in every aspect of parenting. Creating memories is no exception.

Your greatest enemy during this season is stress. Nothing brings out stress like the holidays. There are countless demands on your time, finances, emotions and relationships. The kids are out of school which only adds to the excitement and the mess. Family is coming to town, or possibly worse, family lives in town!  Work demands only seem to grow as everyone realizes these are the last few weeks of the year. The danger in all this stress is the attitude that comes out, affecting every memory you are making. The result is not the collage of wonderful memories you had hoped for, instead you end up with memories of tension, impatience, disappointment and even hurtful experiences that take years to overcome.

Put yourself in your kids' shoes. What do they see in you? Do they see a mom that is enjoying family time or a mom that is nearing the end of her rope? Do they see a dad who is engaged or do they see a dad who is distracted, distant and cold? What is the atmosphere in your home? Here are a few reminders to help you create the kind of memories you want your kids to remember and repeat the rest of their lives.

1. Slow down. This is a time for relational connection, and we just can't do that when the pace is too high. Slow down and enjoy one another, even if those cookies don't get decorated or that project at work has to go on hold for a few days.

2. Laugh. Laughter is the glue of good memories. I want my kids to remember laughing a LOT in our home. If you have small kids, play, wrestle, tickle and tell jokes. If your kids are older, watch a classic Christmas comedy like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation or Elf. If something goes wrong, laugh it off. Too many memories are trashed because someone is crying over a cake that has fallen or a gift that didn't make it in time. Take a deep breath and remember that the people around you matter more than the stuff.

3. Say, "Thank You." It's a natural response to thank someone for a gift when given; however, try to remember to take the extra step. Say, "thank you" for things unrelated to the gifts under the tree. Husbands, tell your wife you are thankful for her constant work to keep you, your kids and your home working smoothly. Wives, thank your husband for his hard work to provide for your family. Thank your children for the specific ways they bring life to your family. Be thankful! When you are thankful, you ensure everyone knows they mean more to you than the gift you will forget about in six months. In my experience, the phrase, "thank you" has far more power than even the phrase, "I love you."

4. Enjoy God's blessings. The official word here is "celebrate;" however, our society has skewed the meaning of this word from the good and biblical perspective I'm referring to. Lots of people will celebrate without giving God a single thought; however, we should celebrate by taking time to enjoy God's blessings. We should enjoy good food, drink and the gifts shared among loved ones as a means of recognizing God's blessings in our lives. "Saying grace" is more than a pre-meal tradition - it should be the heartfelt recognition that God has blessed us by His grace. Enjoying the new gadget you had on your Christmas list reminds us that all good things come from God for us to enjoy; What a gracious God we serve! Recognizing God's blessing also brings appropriate moderation to our celebration to keep us from the sins of gluttony, drunkenness or materialism.

5. Focus on Jesus. Unapologetically Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ our Savior and Lord. Don't miss the opportunity to elevate the proper focus of this time of year. Make it clear in your home that NOTHING trumps Jesus as the focus of the Christmas season. Here are some practical ways to focus on Jesus... 

• Attend a church service on Christmas Eve and actively include the family of God in your Christmas plans (I recommend Highpoint Church for those in the Memphis area).   
• Include giving to the less fortunate as a family to show God's love to all people.  
• Read the Christmas story directly from the Bible (I recommend reading Luke 2:1-20).   
• Take Communion (Lord's Supper) in your home with your family. This is the way Jesus told us to remember Him.

I truly hope you create some wonderful memories this Christmas. I would love to hear some of your Christmas memories from your childhood, and the ones you are making in your family!

I am excited to announce the release of my first children's book on December 11th, 2011. Like most parents, I spend a good bit of time reading stories to my kids before bed.This book is one that I am praying parents will add to their collection because the life-changing truths contained in it are simple to understand and appeal to kids of all ages. 

Where it all started...
Several months ago, a handful of parents at my church, Highpoint Church, asked me to help them navigate the questions their kids were asking about God, Heaven, hell and what it means to trust in Jesus. I eagerly accepted the invitation! That fairly informal discussion became the genesis of the Giant Love book.

About the book...
Giant Love is a fully illustrated, 36-page book that tells the story of a little boy who faces the giants of Sin and Consequence. Along the way, the boy discovers that the "sin gang" only leaves him "broken and alone."  Things go from bad to worse as the boy faces the giant of Consequence. Just when all seems lost, the boy hears a noise and wonders if someone will save the day. At just the right time, another giant appears to save the boy from his giant problem. The boy finds himself in the safe and loving hands of the only Giant big enough to overcome the giants of Sin and Consequence. The story ends with the boy forever changed by the Giant Love of his new Friend.

This simple story paints the picture of the journey we all take in life. Each of us, just like the little boy, have been beaten up and left alone by our sin and must deal with the painful realities of the consequences; however, just like the boy, deserving of nothing but death, we have been radically saved by a God who loves us enough to break into our world to show us grace and mercy. This is the story that every child needs to hear. Every child needs to know that God is our Heavenly Father and He has given us His Giant Love through Jesus Christ.This book will engage your child's imagination while providing parents the tools to have the most important conversations in their child's life. As a parent, I want to be the one to help my kids understand God's love, and I know there are countless parents out there that want the same thing. I understand that there are many parents who what to talk about God, Jesus and Salvation with their child but feel intimidated, unworthy or unprepared.

This book is designed to address that problem. As you read this story to your child over and over, there will come a day when you know it's time to walk them through the "Understanding Giant Love" discussion guide in the back of the book. When that time comes, you will have everything you need in your hands!

My prayer is to see countless parents step into their God-given role as the primary spiritual leaders and role models for their children. I am praying that this book helps foster these conversations and gives parents confidence in this role.

A word to grandparents...
There is nothing quite like the love a grandparent has for their grandchildren. The years you have lived give you a unique perspective on what it means to take advantage of every day a parent has with their child. I encourage you make the investment and purchase the Giant Love book for your grandchildren. Your investment is one that can make an eternal difference.

To purchase your copy of Giant Love visit www.giantlovebook.com.

Discipline and correction remains the constant challenge of parenting from crib to college. Every parent knows the struggle of wondering if they have been too hard or too lenient on their kids.The reality is, kids need discipline and correction. They need to understand the consequences of their actions. In fact, without an appropriate understanding of consequences, you will set up your kid for disaster in life.

Remember, your goal as a parent is not to become the police, always poised to find a criminal. You should be enjoying every stage with your child. You should NOT see your role as a parent defined by "fighting crime." Instead, view parenting as "training your child in the way he or she should go" (Proverbs 22:6).

This is where parenting is more of an art than a science. Here are a few tips to help you create effective consequences for your kids.

1. One size does not fit all. Your child is a unique individual, made by God and is different from everyone else. It is vital that you know your child. You must pay close attention to the uniqueness of each of your children. As your child grows, you will need to have a "sixth sense" about the kinds of expectations you can reasonably place on your child, given their personality and the corresponding consequences that aid the training process. The challenge many parents face is realizing that what may have worked with their first child does not necessarily work with their second. Remember, you are training a unique person to live out his or her potential. One size does not fit all.

2. Beware of responding unrealistically. I see myself make this mistake more than I care to admit! I can be very unrealistic when it comes to consequences. I tend to be unrealistic to the soft side. This means I under-respond in the moment, and this sends a message to my kids that their offense was really "no big deal." Other parents are the opposite; you may over-respond in the moment, sending a message that the offense is far greater than it really is. The reason we often favor one side or the other is due to our emotions in the moment. This is understandable, and no parent is without emotions. However, our goal is to help our kids associate appropriate value to their behavior - when we over or under-respond, we send mixed signals. If your five year old spills milk, she should not be banned from your presence for a week...life just doesn't work this way. Likewise, if your 14 year old cusses you out to your face, you shouldn't shrug it off, life doesn't work that way either. The goal is realistic response and realistic consequences to the actions and attitudes of our kids.

3. Finding the realistic response. As you train your child to become a well-adjusted, responsible adult, you must train for reality. They will step out of your home into reality whether you like it or not. So, become friends with reality. Your goal in parenting is to deliver reality in a safe and forgiving environment so your kids can learn it well and be fit to enter an unsafe and unforgiving reality. Let's say your 10 year old son decides to jump off the house onto the trampoline, into the swimming pool and breaks his leg in the process (yes, I did this - but didn't break my leg), you do not need to add any additional consequence or punishment. Reality was both the teacher and the giver of punishment or consequence through the broken leg. However, if you discover your eight year old daughter has successfully stolen her favorite toy from the store (yes, I did this too), she will need you to ensure that a realistic consequence or punishment follows her actions. It is then that you must decide what the most appropriate and realistic action is. In my case, my dad made me return the items to the store manager in person. To this day I will not steal paper clips from our office!

4. Build in high personal value. One of the reasons kids don't take consequences seriously is because they do not understand their own personal value. This is critical in the development of children. You must help them understand their personal value. This is more than building their self-esteem; this is helping them recognize their worth as a human being, made in the image of God. Safety messages like, "buckle up," "Just Say No" and "practice safe sex" are only as strong as the individual child's understanding of personal worth. This means your child needs to know they are loved (which they probably do), and they also need a few other assurances. They need to know their life was meant to count in a bigger story. Does your child participate in helping others outside of his or herself? Give them a vision! Take teenagers on a mission trip and watch their personal worth grow as they realize that they can impact the world around them. Kids often find trouble because they lack a better option. Give them mission!

5. Embrace inconvenience. Training children is far more complex and more demanding than controlling or demoralizing them. Every parent knows the feeling of just wanting some peace, even if that means over-reacting, under-reacting, or being just plain ambivalent. Parenting is terribly inconvenient. Our kids need us to take the extra time to explain things, to give correction and to sit back and watch them try it on their own, even if they fail. Often times, the consequences that are best are the ones that cost you too. Embrace it. You are the parent - no one will ever have the kind of influence and opportunity you have with your children.

I hope this stuff makes sense and gives you some tools to help you make the most of your 7000Days!

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I had the privilege to preview the new movie from Jon and Andrew Erwin entitled, October Baby. This movie delivers a moving story of forgiveness and redemption and elevates the value of human life unlike anything I've seen. I am so encouraged that motion pictures like this are being created and made available to the world. This movie presents a much needed defining moment for teens, young adults and parents alike. I hope you will watch this trailer and make plans to go and see this movie. 

For more information on October Baby and screenings in your area please visit: http://www.octoberbabymovie.net/

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I would like to introduce and welcome the beautiful and talented Amanda Savage, my wife, as my guest blogger today. As we near the end of October and Down syndrome awareness month, I am pleased to pass along her thoughts and wisdom as she is the best mom I know. Enjoy! --Andy

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"More normal than not..."

These words echoed through my hospital room during the first days after my second child, Cooper, was born. And let me tell you, I wasn’t buying it, not one bit! What we had suspected since the middle of my pregnancy had just been confirmed; our newborn baby had “regular ole Trisomy 21” (also known as Down syndrome) as our geneticist would later tell me. We were devastated and incredibly naive.

It all started “that day,” the day I ventured to the perinatalogist (a specialist for high risk pregnancies) all by myself.  My OB had sent me to him because of some fluid they saw around the baby’s heart on an ultrasound; however, my sweet doctor told me it was really no big deal. They just wanted another set of eyes on this baby. So, I went on my own to see the specialist (note to self, never visit a specialist alone). After an incredibly long ultrasound and answering questions about family history of mental retardation, I was finally ushered into the doctor’s office. With the compassion of a dull, rusty razorblade, the doctor delivered this pronouncement, “Based on X, Y and Z there is a 1 in 300 chance your baby has Down syndrome. You need to have an amniocenteses. There is a 1 in 200 chance of miscarriage with an amniocenteses.” WHAT?!?  Did you catch that I was alone with Dr. No Personality?  I quickly did the math, and since I had miscarried a few months earlier, I was unwilling to take the greater risk for the lesser risk. I declined the amnio, got out as quickly as possible, called my husband, Andy, and was promptly overcome with raw emotion!

I knew NOTHING about Down syndrome. I didn’t know anyone who had Down syndrome. I had a friend in college who had a little brother who had DS, but I’d never met him. I remember picking my other son, Drew, up from preschool, coming home and sitting in the playroom watching him play. All I could do was cry as I kept thinking about the fact that my second child wouldn’t be able to come hug me or tell me that he loves me, he wouldn’t be able to play like normal children, as well as a dozen other thoughts that I can’t remember today.

So, we prayed and prayed and prayed that God would allow us to have a healthy baby and particularly a baby that was “normal.”  Then, he was born and I was scared because my prayer had not been answered, and I had this baby that would need me in ways that I could not comprehend. I was scared I would not love him as much as I loved my other son. I was scared about the way he would be treated in middle school. I was scared about what this meant for me, for my time, for my future. I wondered what would be the purpose of his life. I wondered why God had done this to us, and I was not happy about being a “special parent” chosen to raise this “special child.”

Then it began...old friends and new friends came out of the woodwork; they were relationships that God had groomed over the course of our lives. They began to tell us that this was not bad, that he would be more “normal” than not normal. They told us about their children who have Down syndrome and what life is like. These other moms carried us; they carried me. When we didn’t know what to do, what to ask or where to go, they carried and directed us. Now we get the awesome opportunity to do that for other families.

I didn’t ask for Down syndrome, and believe me, there are moments of each and every day that I really dislike that extra chromosome. However, that extra 21st chromosome has opened up doors for my family and my church that would have never been there if it hadn’t been for Cooper being a part of our family. Our church has developed a unique love for families of children with special needs and for individuals with special needs. Andy and I have the opportunity to walk down this road with families who have just received the same diagnosis. Cooper gives us opportunities to educate others on the abilities of people with Down syndrome, to talk about the sanctity of life, to introduce people to the great love of our Lord and Savior. These are opportunities we would have never had without Cooper and without Down syndrome.

I now see that the words that I didn’t believe for most of 2007 are true. Cooper truly is more normal than not; he runs, jumps, climbs, dances, throws things, is loud like his brothers, loves to tell me “no,” loves to go to his grandparents’ houses. Did I mention he likes to throw things? We treat him and love him the same as our other children, and we hold high expectations for all of them. Cooper has his unique place in our family, just like each of his three brothers. Every month he learns his memory verse in his Sunday school class. This past month their verse was “I can do all things through Christ” Philippians 4:13 and Cooper does and will “do all things through Christ.”

--Amanda Savage @4savageboys

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The child in the picture is my son, Cooper. He has Down syndrome. October is National Down Syndrome Awareness month so I thought I'd share some thoughts from a proud dad. I hope and pray this helps you as you interact with all types of special needs families.

1. Do NOT feel sorry for us. Cooper is our son and we are not in the least sorry we have him. Like most families with a special needs child, we were heartbroken at first. No one wants to be chosen for this. However, through the grace of God and the love and support of family and friends, we have seen the blessing of our son. So, there is no need to feel sorry for us.

2. We don't think about Down syndrome every day. At least I don't, I'll let me wife answer for herself. We definitely think of it often, but Cooper is one of four boys. Mostly we think of stuff like making lunches, cleaning up toys, keeping them from fighting or jumping on the furniture.

3. You can bring it up. We are not bothered at all if someone asks us about Cooper or his condition. We understand that most people are somewhat curious but aren't sure how to ask. Please know you cannot offend us. We have learned the lingo, but we know you haven't so if you are interested please ask, I LOVE to talk about Coop.

4. How "severe" is Cooper's Downs? Well, that's a tricky question. There really is not a chart to measure the severity of Down syndrome. Downs is a genetic condition known as Trisomy 21 where his 21st chromosome was triplicated resulting in 47 total chromosomes instead of the typical 46. This means that every cell in Cooper is affected. Basically, either you have it or you don't. The difference in capability usually relates to the investment made in the child. More children with Downs than ever are exposed to helpful influences at an early age that helps them master what comes very naturally to a typical child...things like walking and talking. Remember, a child with Downs can do ANYTHING if they just have time and loving investment. One of the hurdles many people with Down syndrome face is additional medical challenges that require attention that takes them away from therapies, school or needed playtime.

5. How is Cooper's health? Cooper is very healthy. He was born with a blockage in his intestines that was corrected with surgery the day after he was born. Cooper has a VSD (Ventricle Septal Defect), AKA a hole in his heart. This hole has been closing on its own all of Cooper's life. The last echocardiogram indicated the hole was 75% closed. He's a little more susceptible to ear infections, but other than that, he's pretty healthy. Watching Cooper, you would think he's as active and healthy as any other child.

6. Down syndrome is visible. You will notice a difference in the shape of Cooper's eyes and head. He is also very small for his age - he will turn 5 in January (our 2-year-old is bigger than Cooper). Many people with Down syndrome have a Simian crease which is a single fold line across the palm of their hand, which indicates low muscle tone in the womb. Cooper has a Simian crease on only one hand. Cooper sticks out his tongue a lot. We're working on that. His teeth are shaped differently. His toes and fingers are all on the short, stubby side. All people with Down syndrome have some degree of mental retardation. They can learn anything, it just takes time. There are other features, but these are what you easily notice on Cooper.

7. The "Love Chromosome."  Some have called the extra chromosome responsible for Downs the "love chromosome" because almost every person with Down syndrome has a unique capacity to love and show affection. I truly believe God uses people with Down syndrome to remind us of His heart of love for everyone. This has been absolutely true with Cooper. Cooper does not care if you have money, what color skin you have, how you look or what you wear, he loves everyone, especially his daddy. :)

8. Our biggest challenges right now. Currently we are trying to teach Cooper how to stop running off on his own. He just takes off and will not listen to anyone. I can't tell you how many times I've had to run at full sprint to keep him from walking right into the street! He also needs to be potty trained. Again, he can do it, it just takes a long time. Cooper has shown a stronger aptitude in his motor skills development, but his talking continues to be a mountain in his development. We have figured out how to communicate with him through his few words, grunts, pointing and signs, but talking is the most important skill he is working on now. We are grateful for his speech therapist, Liz, from http://www.brightsong.net/. She works tirelessly with us to get that boy talking!

9. What you can do? Be a fan of positive Down syndrome pages/sites/blogs, etc. Defend the honor of ALL special needs people by not using terms like, "retard" or "short-bus," and step up to correct that kind of disrespectful talk. Take a stand against the abortion of nearly 90% of children prenatally diagnosed with Downs. The world is being robbed of the joy of these children. Encourage your church to make room for special needs children and welcome them in. So many special needs families feel alone and need a church family to surround, support and embrace their child with them.

10. Bless people with Downs. Since this October is Down syndrome awareness month, I will encourage one last thing...bless them when you see them. You may have a person with Down syndrome bag your groceries, bless them with patience and even a tip. If you see a family with child who has Down syndrome in a restaurant, anonymously buy their dinner. Go out of your way to start a conversation with someone who has Down syndrome, patiently listen, welcome the hug (because it's coming) and learn something about them. Volunteer in your church or local special needs pre-school/daycare as a shadow or helper. Along the way you will be surprised at how "normal" they really are. You will no doubt end up like us, thankful to God for people like Cooper.

I would love to read any comments or stories. If you are a parent of a special needs child what would you add?

Post your comments here.

 

Kids need concrete parent involvement.

As much as we might try to convince ourselves, our kids have a real hard time accepting our good intentions and empty promises. Kids only count our actions. Don't miss this just because you have teenagers; underneath all that teenage drama and attitude is a deep longing for Mom or Dad to be involved. Actions may look differently over the years, but the fact remains, kids want concrete parental involvement.

I want to encourage you to think of your family, specifically your parenting, not as the backdrop of your life but the center piece or hub from which the rest of your life branches out. When career, hobbies or even church activities become the hub of your life, your kids begin to develop resentment toward you.

Families feel like relatively permanent fixtures in our lives. It's easy to view them as doing "ok", giving us a sense of freedom to devote greater attention to other things. The reality is, our families are not static fixtures. Our families are constantly changing; therefore, demanding constant attention if you want any hope of keeping up.

Many of the other opportunities that come up in our lives are obviously less of a priority compared to our families; however, we justify high levels of energy and time to these because we know it's temporary and "surely it will only be for a little while." It is this type of thinking that causes us to compromise or neglect the higher priorities of family, marriage and even our relationship with God. Unfortunately, what we once thought would be a short term commitment seems to grow and grow. Now months and even years later we are seeing the effect it has especially on our kids.

Get radical. When it comes to priorities, I am usually a proponent of getting radical! You have 7000Days to parent your kids from "crib to college." Don't miss this opportunity. Decide what the optimal approach looks like to prioritizing your family. So often we ask the wrong question. We ask, "What is the minimum time my kids need from me?" Try this instead, "What is the maximum involvement I can give my kids and still be responsible to all other true priorities?" Kids are very understanding of interruptions and unexpected or uncontrollable conflicts with work or a board meeting or a church obligation. The problem is when the exception becomes the rule. That's when our good intentions and promises lose all credibility.  

I have noticed this struggle in my own life, especially at the end of a long day when my kids so badly want me to take them outside to play. I feel exhausted and just want to sit for a while. It is in that moment that my thoughts of being a great dad don't count with my kids. They want my involvement, off the couch, away from my phone, with NO TV. Our kids need action-oriented parents...for 7000Days.

Take a few minutes and ask yourself, "What action do each of my children need from me during this stage in their lives?"

Post your comments here.

 

"I wanna go to Mamaw and Papa's house!"

"I wanna go to Nana and Grandaddy's house!"

I cannot tell you how often I hear those words come out of the mouths of my kids! We have a unique situation, our kids' grandparents each live literally ten minutes from our house. So, as you can probably imagine, they prefer to visit rather often. What is it with grandmothers and their wicked bribery of cookies and brownies? How is it that when we were growing up, cookies were rationed like the Great Depression by our parents and now they are presented by the dozen upon arrival at grandma's?  Beyond the fact that they spoil our kids with junk food and late bedtimes, we are extremely grateful to have both sets of grandparents in town.

We have done our best to foster a healthy relationship between our kids and their grandparents. My wife did not have the privilege of growing up with her grandparents nearby like I did, but it was a value we both agreed would be a priority for our family. We were both blessed to have grown up in Christian homes, and we have absolute confidence in our parents' involvement with and influence on our children. In fact, we see them as vital relationships for our children in becoming all that God wants them to become.

In today's culture of broken homes and super-mobility, there are very few children that have this vital relationship in their lives. In some cases, there are dysfunctions that require great caution in how children interact with grandparents; however, I believe that God intends grandparents to play a vital role in the development of children. There is something about importing the experience that comes with age that gives children perspective in life. I remember hearing stories about World War 2 from my grandfather and learning about sacrifice, honor and commitment. I want similar lessons passed down to my kids. I like to think our kids have a front row seat to a good, dare I say a great, marriage between my wife and me. But to think that my children get to see the durability of our parents' marriages is invaluable. I have to admit, there are things I cannot give my kids that their grandparents are equipped and eager to give.

Another dynamic that our kids experience is the generosity our parents show toward their grandkids. Whether it is with their time or with their resources, my kids experience a lavish generosity, not unlike what God gives us. I've watched my father-in-law spend an afternoon to teach my son to shoot a BB gun. I've seen my dad teaching my sons how to swing a hammer so they could "build something" in his shop. I've seen my mother-in-law create a wonderful holiday meal and take the time to let my kids "help." And I've seen my mom holding two little hands as she takes a leisurely walk around the neighborhood with my little ones (stopping to examine every frog). These are all examples of a generosity birthed by years of learning what it means to "make the most of every opportunity."  As parents of four kids, we can't help but move at the speed of light all the time, but grandparents do not. They have a way of managing life so that relationships are most important, particularly with their grandchildren.

My kids are the beneficiaries of "generational faithfulness." Not everyone has this. If you do, I want to encourage you to invest in your child's relationship with his or her grandparents. If you don't have this "generational faithfulness," seek to develop a godly legacy, starting now to pass down to your kids, and maybe in a few decades you will be the grandparents who play this vital role for your grandkids. You may also look for an older couple in your church that can serve a grandparent role where your kids have none. I have some dear friends who play this role for a child that is not their biological grandson but has become one very much in their hearts.

Did you grow up with grandparents? How were you positively impacted?

Do your kids have a grandparent nearby? Is the relationship a good one?

Post your comments here.

 

One of the greatest parenting moves I've made in a long time is placing a spare queen sized mattress in the floor of our playroom. I have four boys. That's right, four. This means we wrestle, fight, jump up and fall down. This is how we have fun. This mattress is the location of lots of laughter and the occasional minor injury. The mattress sits between a small art table and the side of an upright piano. It wouldn't be as much fun if there weren't obstacles and something to jump off of!

The parenting lesson here is the importance of understanding the need for kids to be kids. This doesn't mean we let our kids run rampant all over our house and destroy everything. In fact, we (meaning mostly my wife) work very hard to keep most of our house clean, organized and in tact. Yes, there's the occasional broken lamp or body-slam on the couch, but we try to keep most of the destructive activity either outside or in the playroom.

Kids need a place to go where they can fully be kids, without the expectation to act like an adult. Make no mistake, there is also a great need for kids to learn to behave appropriately in public, when in the company of adults and certainly to respect their surroundings; however, they also need the room to run free, pretend, be loud and be playful.

One of the gaps in many parenting styles is engaging children on their terms. They need that. Nearly every child is mesmerized when mom suddenly jumps in and starts a food fight or when dad sits down and pretends to sip tea next to Cinderella. These are moments when we as the parents validate their imaginations and personalities. Your child that can be a little loud and obnoxious needs to see you get loud and obnoxious sometimes. That shy little girl needs to see you play gently with her dolls and treat them as real as she sees them.

This means parents must pay attention to their kids and notice those differences of personalities and get on their level and let them lead the way. My four boys are all very different. My oldest is seven and has a brilliant imagination. He constantly wants me to pretend we are undercover "bad guys," spying on the police. This game is usually played when we are in the car together and I have to stretch my imagination just to keep up! My second son is four and likes to ride on my shoulders around the house, but not too rowdy, just a light trot and he has a blast! My third son is two going on twenty-three! He is my rough and tumble kid. He can't get enough of being thrown on the couch or bed and loves trading punches followed by the words, "Love you!" My fourth son is a newborn so I can only look forward to his unique personality. As for now, we cuddle and that's alright by me!

I believe the more we balance good boundaries and discipline with appropriate permissions for kids to be kids we will see our kids thrive in life.

How about your kids?
Do your kids have permission to be kids or do they constantly live life on your terms?
Moms, when was the last time you jumped in the floor and got a little rowdy with your son?
Dads, when was the last time you took your daughter on a date and treated her like a princess?
What is that activity your child loves to do, but you avoid because you dread doing it?

Remember you have 7000 days, use them wisely!

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Last week, I endured one of the most challenging weeks in my ministry career. Most of it surrounded the tragic death of Jackson May, a one year old boy in our church. In addition, i was responsible for a weekend training event, a wedding, teaching two Sunday services and preparing for the kickoff of our Tuesday morning discipleship class. Needless to say, my schedule was thrown out of the window. I just had to get it all done.

Meanwhile back at the ranch...my wife.
The often overlooked saints in ministry are the wives of pastors and leaders (for that matter, the wives of men everywhere!). Last week, my wife showed me again her understanding of my calling, my responsibilities and the nature of tragedy. All week, she absorbed my absence at home and took care of our kids and our house flawlessly. I was able to devote unusual time and energy to ministry needs because of her quiet commitment and support. Unlike many stories I have heard in my years of ministry of men whose wives who seemed to resent the ministry, my wife did not complain once, not once. She didn't even do that frustrated sigh that she does. Nothing!

Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Last week,  I was reminded that I do have a "good wife" and have received "favor from the Lord." My wife's ministry to me and our children is just as valid and just as important as my ministry outside of the home. I get a lot of credit because i have a fairly public presence. But don't let the "lights, camera and action" fool you, Amanda is no less called, no less committed and no less Spirit led. I can't imagine my life without her. I don't tell her enough, but she is a God-send and I thank God for her.

I hope the husbands reading this blog will take time to recognize the unique ministry and giftedness of their wives. Tell them, honor them, support them. I also hope wives reading this will allow my wife to be an example of a good and godly wife for you.

I highly recommend you follow my wife on twitter @4savageboys - especially if you are a mom with kids!

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This week a family in our church entered into one of the darkest valleys anyone could face in life, the death of a child. I have had the difficult privilege of walking with this family through grief and pain I can hardly imagine. Below is the obituary I wrote and ask for your continued prayers for the May family as this journey continues.

Jackson Cooper May was born on July 29, 2010 to his "dada" and "mama," Bryan and Cortney May of Jackson, TN. He passed away on August 15, 2011 at 10:57 am at LeBonheur Children's Hospital in Memphis, TN.

Jackson will be remembered for his infectious smile and love for life. He was a joy to family, friends, and strangers alike. Known by those that loved him most as "Punkin-head," "Little man," "Booby Butt," and "That boy," Jackson made an indelible mark during his brief stay in this world. Jackson's legacy also includes the lives saved because of his "gifts" donated to children in need of life saving transplants. He was a true hero, even at the tender age of one. Jackson May will be missed by all, especially by those who experienced the joy of being a part of his life.

Jackson is survived by his parents, Bryan and Cortney May, and his grandparents, Paul and Kathy King, known as "grandaddy" and "grandmommy," and Harry and Paula May, known as "Digger" and "Lala." He is also survived by his aunts and uncles, Gentry & Jon Calvin, Patrick May, Kriste Park, Wes King, and Rana Brasher.

A memorial service will be held for Jackson on Saturday, August 20th at 11:00 a.m. at Highpoint Church, 6000 Briarcrest Avenue, in Memphis, TN. The family will begin receiving friends at 10:00 a.m.

Donations can be made in Jackson's honor benefiting the Children's Ministry of Highpoint Church in Memphis, TN

Mail checks to:
Highpoint Church
C/O The Jackson May Memorial Fund
6740 Reese Rd.
Memphis, TN 38133

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I LOVE making my kids sick. Before you call Child Services, hear me out. Here's an example of what I do. First, I get their attention. Then, I take my wife in my arms, and I plant a huge SMOOCH right on her lips! My kids go nuts. They cover their eyes and yell at me to, "Stop it!" which only instigates me to do it all the more.

Do you make your kids sick? As silly as it sounds, it is vital that children grow up watching mom and dad show affection to one another. We live in a world where the image of marriage is constantly under attack, and it is your job (if you are married) to show your kids a different story when it comes to love and affection. Far too many kids grow up without a positive view of marriage; so when they get older they attempt to experience marital benefits without getting married. You are giving them a vision for the future. Show them the kind of marriage they will want to work hard to find for themselves.

Most parents have no trouble loving on and showing affection to their kids. You play with them, hug them and kiss them. How about with your spouse? Has the stress of life squeezed out the affection from your marriage? Not only does your marriage need it, your kids need to see it! You marriage is literally a foundation that you loan your children to build their lives on until they become old enough and hopefully stable enough to launch out in life on their own. If your marriage is weak, your kids can feel it! As your love and affection suffers in your marriage, they cant help but wonder if they are next. Will you lose that love and affection for them? After all, they have lots of friends that watched a divorce shatter their family.

The impact of the simplest acts of affection between a husband and wife in front of their kids has immense value. Make the decision right now to initiate some affection with your spouse - don't wait, do it today!

Here are some ideas to make your kids sick...
1. Husbands, while your wife is doing dishes, surprise her by taking her in your arms and giving her a long and passionate kiss. Be careful she isn't washing the knives!
2. Wives, As your husband stand next to the counter flipping through the mail, wrap your arms around him from behind and lay your head on his back.
3. Husbands, as your wife passes you in the living room, reach out and "goose" her on her .....
4. Wives, with everyone gathered around watching TV, walk in and jump in your husband's lap.

What other ideas do you have?

Post your comments here.

I remember as a kid being ordered by my dad to “cut the grass.” I naively responded, “how much will I get paid?” My dad proceeded to laugh and then delivered a line that I heard many times growing up, “you get three hots and a cot.” For those who don’t speak Savage-ese, this was my dad’s way of saying, “because you eat and sleep here you WILL cut the grass.”

It is vitally important for you to train your children to be contributing members of the family. This means taking on tasks, or chores if you will, that help maintain the well-being of the home and family.

I often see parents who feel obligated to “pay” their kids for routine chores around the house disguised by the name “allowance.” This is a terrible mistake! This could cause your children to grow up with one of the worst possible conditions, a feeling of entitlement. Making their bed, cleaning their room, mowing the grass, carrying in the groceries, doing laundry, clearing the table, washing dishes, windows, toilets, and more are all part of family life. Assign these duties to your kids with no promise to pay. When they fuss, remind them that you would gladly trade cleaning a toilet if they will pay the mortgage! Remind them that they are a part of a family and therefore MUST contribute. If you follow this, your children will become mature adults that understand the importance of contributing in life and relationships.  If you happen to be in a situation with a teenager or young adult (20-something) in your home, this is even more important. The longer they do not take on adult responsibilities, the further they will be from actually becoming adults – no matter how old they are!

So, when do I give allowance? Great question. Ultimately you are the parent and you have to decide how you will approach this. My objective is to offer a little advice that will help you think through the training component of this issue.

1.   Allowance can teach kids discipline. We must teach kids how to handle money. It is important to learn this lesson when the dollars are small and the risk is low. An income gives kids/teens a chance to learn valuable lessons on giving, saving, and spending. I recommend a simple approach of teaching your kids to direct 10% toward giving (this is the biblical principle of the tithe), 10% saving, 10% investing & 70% spending.

2.   Allowance can teach kids diligence. There is a relationship between work and income. It is a good idea to attach some earning potential to certain tasks. I was privileged to have a dad who owned his own construction company and could hire me to do clean up to earn extra money. For the average family, I recommend you determine a set of “above and beyond” tasks (things outside of “because you live here” tasks) that you are willing to pay for and offer your kids the job. If they choose to do it, they learn that their work produces income. If they choose not to do it, they learn that no work equals no pay. You can be creative and allow your kids to come up with these tasks. I like this because they begin to develop a vision for applying their effort, creativity, and strengths to improve things in the home, neighborhood or side job.

3.   Allowance can teach kids the reward system. This one may make some of you squeamish. I think there are ways to reward kids for things that are special accomplishments or things they would not readily do. These could be reading an important biography, making a good grade at school, or eating healthier foods. Please proceed with great caution here. Many parents take this to one of two extremes. The first extreme is creating an overwhelming performance based home where kids constantly feel like failures. The other extreme is to avoid reward altogether and not challenge their children appropriately for their age and stage of life.  

Kids may find an extra measure of motivation to do something if they understand the reward. Be sure it’s attainable or the reward system can crush under-performers and leave them terribly discouraged.

I have a friend that awarded his children $1 for every A on their report card multiplied by their current grade in school. So, a third grader with five A’s would receive $15. This is not so different than the adult market place that might reward a salesman for reaching his monthly quota of sales and a bonus for going beyond the quota. Use common sense; not all children are as strong in the same areas. If your child is not an A-student, choose another avenue to establish and teach a healthy reward system.

I remember cleaning out houses for my dad and getting a bonus if I cleaned up the entire job site within a certain time frame. The boss (dad) created a reward. If I worked hard and produced something of value, I received the reward. Other ideas might include: Reading certain books, memorizing a set of Bible verses, staying off of junk food, or saving a certain amount of money. Kids need to learn that extra effort is rewarded.  

Final caution: Never associate love or acceptance with the monetary reward. This is a good way to ensure you stay out of the ditches on this issue.   There is no doubt this is something every parent will face in his or her 7000 Day journey of parenting.

I recently ran across a wonderful online resource to help you keep up with the tasks, allowances, and rewards you are giving your kids. This is especially important if you have multiple kids and need some way to keep up with this important process. Please take some time to check out www.threejars.com. I set up my account just last week and love the parental controls and the kid friendly interface to keep my kids involved as well.  

Please post your comments here!

Last Tuesday, June 14th at 8:17pm, my fourth son Ford Neil Savage was born. Obviously, we are happy and proud parents and obviously my wife looks awesome 5 minutes after delivery!

However, this brings up a very pertinent issue in most families and organizations, how do you handle new arrivals? With every positive change you gain something and you lose something. As we are entering into this “new arrival” phase in our family, I thought I would be good to share some advice in handling this sort of change.

1. Change happens. There is no avoiding it. When things are healthy they grow and change. For instance, a business that is healthy will experience success and face pressure to deliver in an environment of greater demand. In a family a new member (in our case) or something such as moving will create unique pressure points and stress that can frustrate everyone. Because things are good, we usually don’t see the need to adjust, after all everything is healthy. This is where we need a good dose of reality – change happens. It must continue to be healthy.

2. Change hurts. There is always pain involved in adjusting to changes. Every change represents a gain and a loss. It is important to grieve your losses. In our family we are grieving the loss of sleep! A new child brings tons of new issues that disrupt the way things were. We celebrate the gain of a beautiful baby boy but also watch as our other children are all dealing with the addition in their own way. One of my children is still very uncomfortable around the baby. He is grieving the loss of his understood place in the family. This is also true in the marketplace. A growing business means expanding the workforce or changing someone’s job description. There is always pain involved. Sometimes a personal weakness is exposed that reveals further changes that must be made. I love what Henry Cloud says, “hurt doesn’t mean harm.” Sometimes it’s the process of “hurting” that allows us to absorb the change and move past our weaknesses and continue growing. Through the process, be sure to acknowledge that changes cause a little pain.

During this season in our family I see at least four painful issues we must address…

• We must address our daily routine. Moving from 3 kids to 4 is a bigger jump than it sounds. Our daily routine has little room for disorganization or disarray.
• We must up our hustle. With an infant around it is easy to give our attention to him and forget that we have three other heathens running around. My wife and I must up our hustle to be the good parents all of our children need.
• We must acknowledge fatigue, impatience and errors. We aren’t sleeping as much as we’d like and our judgment and patience suffers. Therefore we must admit when we need help and when we’re wrong.
• We must not forsake life-giving disciplines. We need to spend time with God, we need to eat well and exercise, we need to stay connected in our marriage and with friends and we need rest. When one of these suffers you can feel it! When all suffer you are on the brink of burnout. Each of these steps involves some pain, but like we’ve always heard, “no pain, no gain!”

3. Change heals. Like most parents, it’s always hard to predict how you will feel about a child you don’t even know yet. Like most parents, I chose to love my son long before he was born, because that’s what good dads do. But I would catch myself wondering if I would love him like I do my other boys. The truth is this “new arrival” will soon no longer be new. He will be a part of our family like everyone else. And if we handle this season of “new arrival” well we will reach the day that we cannot imagine life any differently. This is the goal of handling change. We must be patient and gentle in the process but we must commit to the necessity of change in our lives. Deep down no one wants their family, marriage, or career to be in the same place a year from now. Yet, we tend to resist change. One day you will see with clarity that the changes you embrace and endure now become the foundations of health in the future.  

I pray this will help you handle the "new arrivals" in your life. Please post your comments here.

Yesterday, I delivered part 2 of the Hero series at Highpoint Church. This series is directed toward men to “answer the call of Biblical manhood.” The title of the message was “Speak Life” which is the first of five character traits men should address to become the heroes God desires. The primary text we looked at was Ephesians 4:29, which says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Every man struggles with his speech. That being said, we need to go back to God’s plan and accept His standard. Frankly, there are some things we don’t need to say. This passage of scripture makes God’s standard for our speech abundantly clear, “do not let ANY unwholesome talk come out of our mouths…” I know this is an intimidating standard but one we must accept if we are to take on Biblical manhood. There are three kinds of “unwholesome talk” we need to put a stop to in our lives.

First is malicious speech. This is communicating with the intent to harm another directly or indirectly. This is everything from downright meanness to gossip. No matter how hard we try to stop it we can easily slip into malicious speech. I hear Christians speak maliciously all the time, especially when it involves someone that seems to deserve it, from a co-worker to a political figure. We must stop the malicious speech.

Second is crude speech. This is communication that is intentionally offensive, profane or morally devoid. Men, we are all guilty here! Crude speech is unfitting for a godly man. A man told me once that he felt using profanity gave him more authority. The reality is true authority does not require profanity or crudity. Your authority is always based on your character. Profanity is a cheap and flimsy prop for a weak and wanting character. Men, make the decision to avoid profane words and crude jokes. Remember, your words will become the vocabulary of your children.  

The final type of “unwholesome talk” we need to stop is arrogant speech. This is communication that promotes self-interest by pride or by pity. We men often turn to prideful speech. We show our pride in everything from bragging about our bench press max to our income level. We love to promote how good we are! Remember, whenever we turn to prideful speech you are beginning to take credit for something good that God has done. Pride is often a failure to recognize God’s work. On the flip side, we can slip into pity by whining or complaining just as easily. Men, when we whine and complain, especially around our wives and children, we give them a reason to distrust us as the leaders in our homes.  

Men, I hope this will challenge you to consider the power of your words. Your speech will create a lasting impression on the people closest to you. Be diligent to accept God’s standard and be a Hero in your speech!

Please leave comments here!

Every time I walk into the gym for my workout I get the sense that I’m in a growth process that goes beyond my physical fitness. If we would simply pay attention a little more I think we would all see that our regular, everyday routine offers rich life lessons to help us grow.

Is growth on your mind? I don’t want to assume that you already consider your life to be a growth process. However, I would bet that at different times you give some serious thought to where your life is going. I absolutely love taking time to think through the future of my life. I usually don’t think too far out, but Ilike to fast-forward a bit and get a vision for where my life is going. If I don’t like it then I have to decide what needs to change. This is what it means to view life as a growth process. I urge you to take some time regularly to look ahead and decide if you like where your life is headed or not. If not, make a change.

Making a change is hard. Understatement of the year, right? Change can be very difficult. We are creatures of habit and those habits run deep! Which brings me back to my experience this week at the gym. I work out under the guidance of a trainer. Every time I go to the gym, I face a trainer. I have adopted this approach because I have realized that I will not reach my goals without help. If I can reach my goals without help, I have a goal setting problem. I need goals that push me past what I think I can do. This particular day, at two different instances in my work out, my trainer yelled at me to push through and continue the work out when it was obvious I wanted to quit. My trainer understands my goals; he is a partner in my growth process. I have imported a motivating voice because I know I will quit too early and end up frustrated because I failed to reach my goals. This is why he yelled at me. I needed it.

You need it too. Not only to reach fitness objectives but in your spiritual disciplines, your marriage, your parenting and your career goals. Who yells at you? Have you imported key relationships to help you accomplish what you would otherwise give up on? Here are some questions to begin making change in your life…

1. What area of my life needs change?
2. What is a goal for this needed change that is just beyond my reach?
3. Who will I import into this change process to“yell at me” so I do not quit?

If you are serious about change identify the goal and find someone who cares enough to yell at you!
FYI... I love my gym so I will shamelessly promote it for any who are in the Memphis area... CrossFit Bartlett.

Please post your comments here.

I recently had the privilege to be the keynote speaker at the Houston High School Baccalaureate service, in Germantown, TN (my Alma Mater). It was truly an honor to be invites to such an occasion and to stand on the other side of the podium and remember what it felt like to be in the shoes of a graduating senior. I wanted to share the speech I gave to extend this challenge to others. I hope your are encouraged by this. [Below is the speech manuscript in its entirety. Special thank to my speech editors, Jessica Savage and Elissa Roberts.]

Houston High School 2011 - Baccalaureate Service
The 4 laws of skydiving  

Thank you for that introduction. It is indeed an honor to stand before you the 2011 graduating class of Houston High School. Doesn’t that sound good? Well done on the achievement of one of life’s great milestones. You should be very proud. Many thanks are due your Principal, Dr. Leisa Justus, members of the faculty and the proud parents who have invested countless hours and patient love to help you reach this goal.  

I am a proud member of the second graduating class of Houston High School, the class of 1994. I have decided that an invitation to speak at an event like this means only one thing…I am officially old!  I love looking out at all your faces.  You are excited, hopeful, tenacious and wonderfully naïve. The big, bad world cannot stop your entrance, and you cannot avoid it….and may I be the first to welcome you.  

It is my privilege today to present to you a few nuggets of wisdom as you prepare to launch out into the rest of your lives.  

A few years back I decided I would finally muster up the courage to go skydiving. Maybe it’s my intense personality or the rush of adrenaline they promise or maybe I’m crazy! I will never forget the feeling, the rush of jumping out of a plane at 13,000 feet!  There is nothing quite like it. But what I learned that day is that skydiving is a lot like life. We stand at the edge of life or at a crossroads and we have to muster up the courage to jump.  Today, I’m looking out at all of you and I don’t see high school graduates – I see skydivers. All of you are about to leap into life, whether you like it or not. So, before you jump, let me give you the four laws of skydiving.  

The first law of skydiving is… Listen to others.  To go skydiving, at least the first few times, you must listen to the instructor. In fact, they make you watch a video and then sign your life away on a waiver; it’s a wonder anyone ever jumps! Your instructor and the training you receive are the keys to your safety and success while skydiving. In life, you will need to listen to the advice of others. In the Bible we read in Proverbs 19:20 “Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.”  Be wise to seek out trusted people to give you advice. Train yourself to be a listener. Listening requires humility.  You will regret the pride and arrogance that comes when you “know it all.” Like skydiving, life offers few “do overs.” Seeking advice and listening to others is a key ingredient for success in life. Believe it or not there are people in your life that want what is best for you – your teachers, parents, other family members and friends. Be wise and listen to others.    

The second law of skydiving is...Make a decision.  You will never skydive until you make the decision to skydive.  This decision comes long before you get into a plane.  No one, well very few, accidentally skydive, and no one recommends that.  I have found that in life, so many people are finished before they ever start. It is the simple act of indecision that keeps them, and their dreams, grounded and always wishing life was different. In fact, you may think that by waiting or not making a decision that you are doing some good, but in most cases, indecision adds to the confusion and may cause you to forfeit a great opportunity. You simply cannot underestimate the power of clear and confident decision-making in your life.  In the next 10 years you will likely make the largest number of major decisions in your life.  Think about it–many of you will decide where you will go to college, who will be your lifelong friends, what career path you will take, where you will live and possibly who you choose to marry. You simply cannot afford to be indecisive. You do not want an accidental life. You must be able and ready to make a decision.  

The third law of skydiving is…Have faith. There is no better way to phrase it. When the plane reaches 13,000 feet and that door opens the only thing left to do is have faith and “JUMP!” No one can prepare you for the many times in life when you must walk by faith instead of by sight. Faith by definition is to believe in something or Someone, you cannot see. In my life I have found my faith in the God of the Bible, to offer hope and strength when all seemed hopeless. Everyone needs faith to act as an internal compass that will guide you when the way is dark and the path is unclear.

Just over four years ago my wife and I faced a very dark time when the path we were on was very hard to see.  Our second child, Cooper, was born with Down Syndrome.  You may not have thought much yet about having children but let me tell you - no one expects their child to be born with special needs or illness.  We faced emotions we never thought we could have. This was simply not what we planned for and not what we wanted.  It’s funny how we don’t always have a vote regarding what happens in our lives. This required us to depend heavily on our faith in God. As we made our way through that valley our faith in God proved again to be trustworthy. God helped us see what we could not see.  I was given a gift I didn’t even know I needed. Through my son, Cooper, God taught me how to truly love someone for who he is and not what he can or cannot do for me. I am forever grateful for my son and the many around us with special needs.

I noticed a few young men and women in this room today who have special needs. I want you to know that you are important to this world and to us. We “normal” people need you in our lives because “normal” needs work. You show us courage, perseverance and grace. You are special not because of your disability but because of your rare ability to make us more loving, less selfish and all around better people. You deserve special honor today. So when life isn’t what you expected or wanted, have faith because without faith you will miss out on so many blessings you were meant to experience.  

The fourth and final law of skydiving…Enjoy the ride. As a two time skydiver I think everyone should have the chance to stand at the door of that airplane, fight every urge to cling to safety and throw yourself plummeting to the earth in a 120 mile per hour free fall and feel the rush that only skydiving offers. Once you pull the ripcord and discover that there actually is a parachute in there, you can enjoy the ride. All of a sudden everything is calm, strangely quiet, like sitting on your back porch listening to the breeze. It’s actually quite peaceful.   Too many people live stressed out lives, full of anxiety. We allow our happiness to depend on the approval of others or the economy or getting our way. Life becomes a race - but no one can really tell you where the finish line is. Everyone simply adopts a life of working really hard to have it all, yet live as if they are missing everything. The truth is, those who are generous and willing to serve others have found the secret of happiness; it’s giving, not taking.  Everyday you must choose to be a taker or a giver. I will warn you–choosing to be a taker will rob you of the ability to enjoy your life. There is something peaceful about helping others. In giving to others, somehow we receive exactly what we need to enjoy the life God has given us. Along the way be a giver, help others and live for something greater than yourself.   

So, today, my fellow skydivers, you stand 13,000 feet above your lives. Listen to the trusted people in your life, be decisive about your future, have faith when things are good and when things are bad and most of all enjoy the ride. The door is open. You get one jump. Make it count. God bless you and congratulations Houston High School Class of 2011.

Please leave your comments!

Today I watched the following presentation from a TED conference featuring Benjamin Zander on Music and Passion.  This video is well worth your 20 minutes, especially if you are a parent or in some leadership role.  I was moved, impressed and inspired.  Enjoy.

The term that has become embraced by so many regarding listening is “active listening.”  Active listening reminds us that listening is not a passive activity.  This is the deceptive thing about listening is that fact that we can hear without any effort at all.  Our ears are built to take in noise.  Active listening brings mental attention and effort toward understanding the person speaking.  This is far more than simply hearing them.   

When you think about active listening you should think first how you would want someone to listen to you.  Jesus teaches us in Matthew 7:12 “…do to others what you would have them do to you…” This is what is commonly called the Golden Rule.  As simple as active listening sounds it is very hard work.  There are times when I engage in active listening with my wife or a couple I’m coaching or a friend and I come away exhausted.  The reason is active listening is a process of active selflessness.  The reason we have so much trouble listening is because we are literally obsessed with our thoughts, opinions and agendas.  Active listening communicates to the speaker that you value them.  This is why active listening is a crucial communication tool for marriages.   

You may discover that your communication problems in your marriage have more to do with listening than talking.  When we experience difficulty in communication we usually address the problem in the most ineffective ways.  Think about the last time you were trying to communicate with someone who did not speak your language.  What did you do?  If you are like most Americans, you simply turned up the volume!  Talking more and louder does not necessarily improve communication.  Parents often face this dilemma with their kids.  Experts will say raising your voice and repeating yourself is not the solution to every communication problem.  When parents get on the same level as their children, speak in a normal or soft tone and touch them communication almost always improves. Likewise in marriage, talking more and louder is rarely the solution; the solution we should try first is active listening.  

When you think of good marriage communication try to remember to L-I-S-T-E-N.  
1. Limit distractions.  We live in a world that engages our senses at every turn.  Make an effort to limit those distractions and narrow your attention to your spouse.  Turn off the TV, sit up straight and try to ensure there is appropriate light (this helps with face to face communication).  Do what it takes to focus on your spouse so you can truly listen to them.  When it comes to good communication we don’t want our spouse to be one of many noises around us.  

2. Intentional posture.  It’s amazing to recognize how God has created us.  The primary mechanisms of communication exist on our faces.  Think about it.  The mouth, eyes and ears are all situated to receive communication best from another person in the face-to-face posture.  In marriage you should be intentional to posture yourself to create face-to-face communication whenever possible.   

3. Show understanding.  As your spouse is speaking give clues that you are following and understanding.  This is done by nodding, asking clarifying questions and murmuring the “uh-huhs” and “um-hmms” that show you are with them the whole way.  This responding should be done in conjunction with face-to-face body language or you may find yourself mindlessly murmuring to you spouse and you both know you weren’t listening!  

4. Take criticism well.  Sometimes the topic of conversation is a criticism of you.  If so, take it well.  Make it your practice to listen, without being defensive, to the criticism of your spouse.  Thank them for being honest and giving you feedback.  It may be painful but helpful words.  Be wise and take those words to heart.  Your spouse may be on to something and you may be facing a wonderful opportunity to grow.  If after honest evaluation you feel your spouse is misinformed or wrong about you, stage a conversation to share the inaccuracies but always with humility and grace.  

5. Eliminate self-promotion. The temptation in a conversation is to look for ways to express your own opinions, experiences or ideas.  The result is failure to listen while we devise our next statements or judgments of our spouse’s statements before fully hearing them out.  It is important to your spouse to be fully heard before adding your “2-cents” to their statements.   When we turn conversations into self-promotion we leave our spouse feeling unheard.  

6. Nurture respect.  Active listening should be a respectful process between you and your spouse.  Nurturing this respect means resisting the urge to offer uninvited solutions or answers to problems or questions.  Sometimes your role is simply to listen and not solve anything.  Allowing our spouse to struggle through a problem can actually make them feel very valued and respected.  If they need your help they can ask. The better your listen, the more willing they will be to ask when the time comes, because they feel respected by you.

I hope this makes sense and helps you in whatever relationship you have that needs to regain the lost art of listening!

Bunko night is my wife’s only real outlet to be with her friends.  You have to feel for my wife living with all boys. When my three sons and I get together, it is a testosterone tornado that could give any female a run for her money! 

Last month it was my wife’s turn to host Bunko night at our house.  This meant that Dad and the boys would have to remain upstairs and fully out of he way of the estrogen party happening downstairs.  I managed to keep the natives at bay until bedtime. With little convincing I agreed to a “sleep-over.” All the boys crammed together in Cooper’s room.  Copper is my son with Down syndrome.  He’s nearly four but still sleeps in a crib.  So, imagine the scene, Drew my six year old, on the floor in a sleeping bag jammed between Cooper’s crib and my youngest, Wesley, in a Pak-n-Play.  I attempted to read a story while trying to keep the two little guys contained and the one big boy from laughing too much! 

Finally it was time to say prayers and go to bed. Drew, the oldest, still excited about this adventure in sleeping arrangements, volunteered to offer tonight’s bedtime prayers.  I love hearing my children pray.  I love their simple requests and their candor before the Lord.  It reminds me that prayer is best done with childlike faith.

He began to pray and went through the normal gamut of categories.  He thanked God for the day, our family and allowing them to have a “sleep-over.”  He then began to pray for his mother who is pregnant with our fourth child.  This is where the prayer really got my attention.  It went something like this…

“God, please help the baby in mommy’s tummy to be ok.  Please help him not to have Down syndrome and have to go to LeBonheur (our local children’s hospital). But if he does have Down syndrome, we will love him and take care of him and not kill him.”

This is really only a moment a parent of a special needs child can appreciate.  Sometimes we wonder how our typical children are handling the special need that they have to live with also.  It is through prayers like this that we get a snapshot into how they are processing things. I was amazed that with no prompting on my part, my son was able to articulate the struggle many parents face.  I have tried to pray the same way at times.  I want my unborn children to be “ok” and not have problems or disabilities, yet I too want God to know that I will love the child anyway. 

The last part of his prayer is interesting.  Besides the fact that I am glad to hear my son is not going to kill my fourth child, this prayer represents the value of human life.  With childlike faith in God’s sovereign and sometimes uncomfortable will, this prayer says to the Lord, “we will have what You decide.” Beyond the explosive debates surrounding abortion, there is the temptation we all face to take matters into our own hands when we don’t get our way. I’m certain one of the worst parts of being a Christian is the way I can be so emotionally attached to my expectations when God often has other plans.  I wish I could replicate the heart of this simple and honest prayer of my son when it comes to other areas of disappointment or unmet expectations.  I don’t want to think about how much of God’s will I have “killed” because I refused to accept the discomfort or disappointment.

I can’t wait to welcome our next child into the world.  We’re still not sure if we will have a boy or a girl (if God hears the prayers of my wife, we will have a girl!).  We aren’t sure if he or she will have Down syndrome or not.  We do know that God is in control, and whatever He gives us we will receive with love and care and we will not kill him or her.   

Kids love Christmas.  What kid wouldn't love Christmas? As a parent, I love watching my kids get excited about Christmas.  I love getting them gifts and raising their expectations about Christmas morning. In the midst of all the Christmas excitement, I want to be careful to make sure my kids understand what Christmas is all about. You may be in the same boat.  So, here are a few tips to help you parent your kids through Christmas. 

1. Read the Christmas story from the Gospels.  Read in this order...Matthew 1:18-2:15 (read 2:16-18 if you have older children) then Luke 2:1-20.  Ask your children 3 questions.   "What was your favorite part of the story?" "What did the Angels say about this Baby?" "Why do we need to remember the birth of Jesus today?"  

2. Point to the symbolism of Christmas traditions.  

• Christmas lights:  Jesus came to be the light of the world. Everyone is born separated from God because of their sin.  It's like being in a very dark room, and we can’t see the way to God.  Everywhere we turn in this dark room, we end up tripping over our sin.  Jesus came to light the way so that we could see God, and more than that, He came to take away the sin that trips us up.  
• Christmas tree:  The green trees we decorate at Christmas time represent the hope we have because of Jesus.  Because Christmas trees are evergreens (many today are artificial) they represent life in the midst of the cold, gray winter.  Jesus came to bring hope and that hope stands out in our world like an evergreen tree in a forest in winter.  
• Christmas gifts:  Every gift we give and receive reminds us of the gift of Jesus, God's only Son, given to be our Savior.  The temporary joy we have opening gifts should remind us of the eternal joy we have because of God's gift of grace.  Every time we give a gift we display a part of God's heart for people.  

3. Celebrate. I hear very little about the discipline of celebration in the Church today. Throughout the Christmas story we see celebration because of the birth of Jesus.  We too should celebrate and practice what the Bible calls "rejoicing."  This means to take joy in something. Jesus' birth shows us the great love of God and reminds us that we have a future hope that is worth taking joy in.  Many people have valid reasons to be sad this time of year; perhaps due to the loss of a loved one or some other tragedy. However, we all have a reason for joy that shines above all tragedy and loss.  Jesus came to give sin and death the fatal blow, giving us a sure hope and future.  We have reason to celebrate!  

I hope this Christmas parenting guide will help you train your children to enjoy the season without missing the importance of what Jesus came to do.  Merry Christmas!

I was asked the other day what my top five favorite Christmas movies are and why.  So, i decided to enrich your Christmas experience with this humble (but correct) opinion!

1. It's a Wonderful Life directed by Frank Capra in 1946 starring James Stewart and Donna Reed
This movie is a classic but must be enjoyed in its original black and white version.  Technicolor was not good to this movie.  I watch this movie  in its entirety EVERY Christmas Eve.   I never get tired of the self-sacrificing George Bailey reach his breaking point and discover the wonderful life he never knew he had. The final scene is a tear-jerker as George's brother Harry raises a toast to his brother, "the richest man in town."  This movie highlights selflessness, humility, generosity, responsibility, faith and family.  A must watch.

2. Miracle on 34th Street. directed by George Seaton in 1947 starring Maureen O'Hara, John Payne, Natalie Wood and Edmund Gwenn.
This movie is another black and white classic.  This movie was remade in 1994 keeping a similar story-line but lacks the authentic quality or the original and Santa, Richard Attenborough, does not compare to Edmund Gwenn from 1947. This movie brings out the childlike desire to believe in what we cannot see. Like me you may find yourself believing in Santa for a few minutes as you enjoy this movie.  Countless times we are reminded of the value of giving and caring for others.  These movies are truly from another time where Biblical values still remained as a part of American society.  They serve as good reminders of the faith we should have in an unseen God who love us and gives good gifts to His children.

3. Holiday Inn directed by Mark Sadrich in 1942 starring Bing Crosby, Fred Astaire and Virgina Dale with music from Irving Berlin.
This movie carries far less spiritual significance however this is one of my mother's favorites and was a staple in our home growing up. I have grown to appreciate the musical genius of Irving Berlin and the voices and dancing of the cast.  This movie feature some of the classic Christmas songs we hear every year that usher in the season.  A classic love story develops throughout the movie as you are taken through the holiday seasons of the year in the quaint Holiday Inn.  I promise this movie is not about a reasonably priced hotel chain!

4. Elf directed by Jon Favreau in 2003 starring Will Ferrell, James Caan, Bob Newhart  and Zooey Deschanel
Get ready to laugh.  By the way, laughter is a gift from God and we ought to be doing it more.  I love this movie.  It has bumped National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation out of my top five mainly because I laugh more and the comedy is cleaner.  The story is actually very engaging.  The audience immediately falls in live with Buddy the Elf.  The absurdity of what Buddy will do somehow fits into the story. The most valuable part of this movie comes when Buddy's dad played by James Caan chooses his younger son, Michael over his demanding boss and finally becomes the good father we were hoping for.  Surprisingly strong family values for a movie made in this century.

5. How the Grinch stole Christmas Directed by Chuck Jones and Ben Washam in 1966 written by Dr. Seuss starring the voice of Boris Karloff.
I had to include an animated film to the top five.  This movie is another staple of my annual Christmas experience.  My kids love this movie as well.  This movie is short and we all know the story well yet we all love to watch the Grinch's heart grow three sizes when he understands the true meaning of Christmas.  The newer version starring Jim Carrey in 2000 is not nearly as endearing and in my opinion butchers the classic simplicity of the original.  Not to mention there is no comparison to Boris Kacloff's voice. 

Each of these movies is a "must see" every year.  I hope this helps you have a fun and Merry Christmas!  Please comment with your opinions as well.  Enjoy!

Last Sunday I challenged the parents, grandparents and future parents of Highpoint Church to write their personal testimonies as a special gift to their children.  I think this may be one of the coolest things you can give your kids.  This was inspired by my own Grandfather’s testimony that he drafted about three years before his death.  His testimony was listed on the back of his funeral program and now stands as his lasting legacy for our family and beyond.  I hope you will take a moment to read my grandfather’s testimony below and be inspired to write your own for those you love. 

I hope it makes sense!  

 

My Personal Testimony: Cliff Savage February 3, 2006  

 

My Life Before Christ:

God touched my heart when I was about 14 years old at a revival in a country church near my home. I wasn’t sure just what was happening, so I didn’t accept Him at the time, but I realized that God was real and I was sorry that I didn’t give my life to Him then. As the years went by, I could feel His presence and knew that I needed to do something. I kept putting Him off.   I went off to the army and when I got in a real battle, I prayed to Him seriously and could feel His presence very near. I know now without my faith in God, I would never have returned home. When I came home, I forgot about my faith and decided to live it up having a good time (or I thought I was having a good time). THAT WAS A BAD DECISION. God kept tugging at my heart and I kept trying to do it my way, but that didn’t work very well. I finally had to surrender my life to Him; I am so thankful that I did.  

How I Received Christ:
I finally decided that I needed to slow down and change the way I was living. I found the love of my life, Doris Renfrow, and we were married December 31, 1948. After about two years we began to have children—and before it stopped we had six children. Our first child died soon after birth, and that was a wake-up call for the both of us.   In 1954 we began to attend Oakville Baptist Church. Doris was saved before I was. Then we attended a children’s program with a visiting evangelist. When he asked the children to accept Jesus, I was one of the first to go down; for Jesus filled my heart so full of His Spirit that day I couldn’t resist Him if I had tried. I had no control whatsoever over myself. I have thanked Jesus thousands of times for that day at Oakville Church.  

 

My New Life in Christ:
Our family was growing, our responsibility was growing, our business was growing, our problems were growing and best of all, our faith in God was growing. My wife made sure that our children went to church and were taught right from wrong. My brother and I had started a business, and we had to work out of town a lot. That meant I had to be away from my family more than I wanted (I had to make a living for them). God gave us such a wonderful family (one of the best, I think). I believe that all of our children and grandchildren who are old enough have accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. I am thankful for my faith in Jesus and for the family that He has given me. I also thank Him for my health, my church family and so much more it would be impossible to name it all here. Thank you, God.

 

 

My Granddaddy...

4 generations of Savage men	Granddaddy and 2 of his great-grand children